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In many countries, very few people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

In many countries, very few people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
In Kazakhstan, the awareness of events plays an important role in making daily decisions. However, some social workers claim that a small number of people are interested in keeping track of news through newspapers or TV. In this essay, I will consider the reasons for this low interest in the community and suggest some possible steps to deal with it. Let us start with the reasons why these types of media have a tiny audience. The first reason is that people are inclined to monitor the news online. Many people prefer to learn about public affairs on the Internet, since it allows them to access news immediately, which newspapers and TV programs usually cannot offer. Another cause is that people tend to be suspicious of news presented on newspapers and TV channels. Most people distrust information on newspapers as well as TV, because they tend to provide false information to attract more attention. Nevertheless, some editors state that it is possible to handle this problem by taking the following actions. Firstly, they advise to publish issues more frequently. The way forward would be for both newspaper and TV companies to produce their news more often, so that they could compete with rivals in the web. Secondly, they recommend to introduce a law against distorted information. To address this problem, the government should impose regulations against misleading information, so that newspapers and TV channels would stop generating unreliable news. In conclusion, although there are many reasons contributing to the low interest in following news on newspapers and TV, I think that it is probable to solve this complication by adopting the above mentioned measures.
In Kazakhstan, the awareness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making daily decisions.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers claim that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
or TV. In this essay, I will consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this low interest in the community and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible steps to deal with it.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why these types of media have a tiny audience. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
to monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to learn about public affairs on the Internet, since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
immediately, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and TV programs
usually
cannot offer. Another cause is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be suspicious of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
presented on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and TV channels. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
distrust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
as well
as TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they tend to provide false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to attract more attention.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
editors state that it is possible to handle this problem by taking the following actions.
Firstly
, they advise
Did you mean "publishing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'advise' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to publish
issues more
frequently
. The way forward would be for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to produce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could compete with rivals in the web.
Secondly
, they
The verb 'recommend' is used with the gerund form: "recommend introducing".
recommend to introduce
a law against distorted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. To address this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose regulations against misleading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and TV channels would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
generating unreliable news.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
contributing to the low interest in following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and TV, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is probable to solve this complication by adopting the above mentioned measures.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In many countries, very few people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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