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In many countries, very few people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In many countries, very few people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
In today’s contemporary world, an increasing number of people, especially the younger population, now prefer to stay on their own. I believe this to be a negative development which may have adverse consequences such as the person going into depression and the declining interaction with the society. To begin with, living alone can sometimes lead to depression. In other words, whenever a person is into a lot of stress or facing some extreme situations in his life and he has no one around to talk to, then this loneliness can have detrimental effect on person’s mental & physical well being. For, instance, a recent survey by Medical Council of India states that, over 40% of people in age group of 25-40 years, staying alone are prone to increasing stress level and face health issues. To explain further, people living individually often feel alienated from the society. Such people are often regarded as introvert because they do not generally interact with people around them. Due to this reason, such people do not have friends or they fail to strike a chord with their colleagues or neighbours. Moreover, they often distance themselves from their family and relatives and are so accustomed to living alone that they do not communicate with anyone in the society. In conclusion, the recent phenomenons of living alone, especially amongst the millennial is proving to be highly negative for mankind wherein this affects the health of an individual and also results in minimal interaction with other inhabitants. The onus is on the entire mankind to arrest this growing phenomenon & discourage individually living culture.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the younger population,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to stay on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I believe this to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development which may have adverse consequences such as the person going into depression and the declining interaction with the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to depression.
In other words
, whenever a person is into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extreme situations in his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
he has no one around to talk to, then this loneliness can have detrimental effect on person’s mental & physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. For, instance, a recent survey by Medical Council of India states that, over 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in age group of 25-40 years, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
are prone to increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and face health issues.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
individually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel alienated from the society. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as introvert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
generally
interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them. Due to this reason, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends or
they fail to strike a chord with their colleagues or
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
distance themselves from their family and relatives and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
accustomed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
that they do not communicate with anyone in the society.

In conclusion
, the recent phenomenons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
,
especially
amongst the millennial is proving to be
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for mankind wherein this affects the health of an individual and
also
results in minimal interaction with other inhabitants. The onus is on the entire mankind to arrest this growing phenomenon & discourage
individually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
culture.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In many countries, very few people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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