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TPO45Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and example v.2

TPO45 In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and example v. 2
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of decisions in every one' s life. Some people may hold the opinion that in the past young people could not make their decisions without their parents but today young people are able to make independence decisions. But, others have negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, obviously, this statement is true and I strongly agree with it. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints. First let us look at what a young person can typically gain from individual decisions today. Needless to say, today young people want independence in their lifes while there were not same expection in the past. So, young people bring this independence with their decisions in their lifes. By way of illustration, neither my father nor my mother chose their job independently but I choose it myself according to my interesting. There is also more subtle point we must consider. Thanks to many improvement in science, young people experience more and learn more in society and university. It goes without saying that, there are many courses in schools and any universities that teach young people to live independently. In contrast, our grandparents did not any sufficient source for learning make decisions individualy. Thus, they had to refer to their parents in each decision. Finally, I cannot oversee the fact that broader technology in communication also means finding more material for decisions. To shed more light on the issue, you can find many websites in the internet that give any invaluable advice to you in every situation. Taking my brother for example, when he decide to select his university for undergraduate program, he reads many websites and take many advice from many consulers in internet and chose best univeristy for study. On the other hand, my uncle went to university that my grandfather chose and there were not any additional sources like today for him to make his own decision. Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some exceptions which are excluded from the general rule, I do agree with this statement.
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in every
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may hold the opinion that in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
without their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
independence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude. As far as I
am concerned
,
obviously
, this statement is true and I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints.

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person can
typically
gain from individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want independence in their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
while there were not same
Possible spelling mistake found.
expection
in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bring this independence with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. By way of illustration, neither my father nor my mother chose their job
independently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I choose it myself according to my interesting.

There is
also
more subtle point we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. Thanks to
Possible agreement error. The noun improvement seems to be countable; consider using: "many improvements".
many improvement
in science,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience more and learn more in society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. It goes without saying that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses in schools and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
.
In contrast
, our grandparents did not any sufficient source for learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
Possible spelling mistake found.
individualy
.
Thus
, they had to refer to their parents in each decision.

Finally
, I cannot oversee the fact that broader technology in communication
also
means finding more material for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. To shed more light on the issue, you can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
that give any invaluable advice to you in every situation. Taking my brother
for example
, when he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "decides", "decided".
decide
to select his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for undergraduate program, he reads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites and take
Possible agreement error. The noun advice seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much advice", "a good deal of advice".
many advice
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
consulers
in internet and chose best
Possible spelling mistake found.
univeristy
for study.
On the other hand
, my uncle went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
that my grandfather chose and there were not any additional sources like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
for him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision.

Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions which
are excluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO45 In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and example v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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