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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.16

Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 16
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of happiness in the life. Some people may hold the opinion that people have less happiness than the past because changing the world is too fast. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, obviously, today we have more ways to experience happiness rather than the past. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints. First let us look at the amusement that we have today. Unlike the past that people had a fewer number of entertainments, today we can go to the modern cinemas, exciting parks, many resturants and watching 3d films. By way of illustration, my father told me one day about his hobbies during the childhood which was only palying with other children in the yard and they did not have any kind of amusement during the night time. On the other hand, I have many option to have more happiness if I become boring. There is also a more subtle point we must consider. Thanks to many discoveries people have more facilities during their life which bring more satisfication for them such as faster transportation or cooking easier foods. Taking six decades ago for example, there are not suitable airplanes and trains. So, if people had to go every where, they must spent too much time. Needless to say, these covienient means provide more happiness among peolpe nowadays. Finally, I cannot oversee the fact that the healthy life in the world is changing so quickly too. It goes without saying that, people are healtheir now and helthy condition is good index for researchers to prove that people who lived in the past had lower satification. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran University, today happiness index is five time better than 40 years ago. Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some exceptions which are excluded from the general rule, I do agree thet the people have more happiness and satisfication with their lives than people were in the past.
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in the life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
changing the world is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude. As far as I
am concerned
,
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
we have more ways to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints.

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at the amusement that we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
. Unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had a fewer number of entertainments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
we can go to the modern cinemas, exciting parks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
resturants
and watching 3d films. By way of illustration, my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me one day about his hobbies during the childhood which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
palying
with other children in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
yard and
they did not have any kind of amusement during the
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
.
On the other hand
, I have
Possible agreement error. The noun option seems to be countable; consider using: "many options".
many option
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
if I become boring.

There is
also
a more subtle point we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. Thanks to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
discoveries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more facilities during their life which bring more
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfication
for them such as faster transportation or cooking easier foods. Taking six decades ago
for example
, there are not suitable airplanes and trains.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to go
Did you mean "everywhere"?
every where
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spent too much time. Needless to say, these
Possible spelling mistake found.
covienient
means provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
among
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolpe
nowadays.

Finally
, I cannot oversee the fact that the healthy life in the world is changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
too. It goes without saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
healtheir
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
helthy
condition is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
index for researchers to prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
had lower
Possible spelling mistake found.
satification
. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran University,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
index is five time better than 40 years ago.

Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions which
are excluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
Possible spelling mistake found.
thet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfication
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 16

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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