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In many countries today, there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society? v.1

In many countries today, there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society? v. 1
Studying plays a vital role in the improvement of children’s lifestyle and formulating of different skills. A segment of the population believes that the most beneficial way for reading is online resources, while others tend to think that people should use books and other published sources. Personally, I think that both of them should be utilized interchangeably in order to attain the utmost level of education. This essay will expatiate both viewpoints in the following paragraphs. According to the first statement, users can access a plethora of information due to the online database. For instance, the profuse number of reading sources which assists children to hone their abilities on this section is added to disparate websites such as YouTube, Facebook and others. Furthermore, these online resources are updated frequently, that is why it is more advantageous and full of actual materials. However, this way of the reading has a hazardous impacts on people such as eye defects or backache and other health problems. Regarding the second viewpoint, utilizing the published materials is the best way to focus on relevant subjects. For example, the person reads a book without any distractions, but while searching online some useless advertisements and games can seduce them and disturb the concentration. Moreover, this type of materials can be so expensive or heavy to carry and these problems can lead our lifestyle to predicaments and precarious circumstances. To recapitulate, reading online gives more chance of getting more information, while textbooks are more healthier and readable. It is inevitable that people should combine both of them to avoid detrimental health problems and study efficiently.
Studying plays a vital role in the improvement of children’s lifestyle and formulating of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A segment of the population believes that the most beneficial way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
resources, while others tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
books and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
published sources.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both of them should
be utilized
interchangeably
in order to attain the utmost level of education. This essay will expatiate both viewpoints in the following paragraphs.

According to the
first
statement, users can access a plethora of information due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
database.
For instance
, the profuse number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
sources which assists children to hone their abilities on this section is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to disparate websites such as YouTube, Facebook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
resources
are updated
frequently
,
that is
why it is more advantageous and full of actual materials.
However
, this way of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
has a hazardous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "impact"?
impacts
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as eye defects or backache and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health problems.

Regarding the second viewpoint, utilizing the published materials is the best way to focus on relevant subjects.
For example
, the person reads a book without any distractions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
while searching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useless advertisements and games can seduce them and disturb the concentration.
Moreover
, this type of materials can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive or heavy to carry and these problems can lead our lifestyle to predicaments and precarious circumstances.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
gives more chance of getting more information, while textbooks are
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
and readable. It is inevitable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should combine both of them to avoid detrimental health problems and study
efficiently
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay In many countries today, there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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