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In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v.2

In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v. 2
It is a common bad-tempered behaviour to act unrespectful to elders in many countries. In terms of this, it can be a reason of some issues in society. In this essay, I will briefly elaborate the problems and the possible solutions. In the modern life, all people tend to live alone before ever had. Thus, extended family structure can break because of the increasing personal priority. That is to say, the individual can forget the old people, even if they come from own family. The reason of it, day by day the people who struggle with old age cannot be remembered, and the relationship is getting fragile and cold. For example, in the past, everybody asked for an empty seat needs for older people, however nowadays, the youth feel more tired, and nobody gives up an empty chair. On the other hand, the society has changed to how important relationship. Not only family, also all communities need more human attraction. If the people cannot nurse or take care of elders, they would be depressed earlier. In the retirement, most of them face with some difficulties without anybody. Therefore, productivity might be decreasing, illness replace it. Nobody can, not trust each other, alienation or even discrimination might be skyrocketed. All people think about social life cannot improve, someone can not handle it. In the other words, psychological situation may not be reverse after so much bad attitude against older people. For instance, the number of patients in clinics which psychology department has risen in these decades all around the world. Due to the fact that many of them so lonely and desperate. In conclusion, I restate that it is some evident smoothly behaviour of old people is declining recently. There are some possible solutions in order to take care of them, firstly individuals should be aware of this bad situation and should be warned children to good attitude for elders.
It is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-tempered
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to act
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrespectful
to elders in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. In terms of this, it can be a reason of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues in society. In this essay, I will
briefly
elaborate the problems and the possible solutions.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the modern life, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
ever had.
Thus
, extended family structure can break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing personal priority.
That is
to say, the individual can forget the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family. The reason of it, day by day the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who struggle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age cannot
be remembered
, and the relationship is getting fragile and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
.
For example
, in the past, everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
an empty seat needs for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
nowadays, the youth feel more tired, and nobody gives up an empty chair.

On the other hand
, the society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
relationship. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
family,
also
all communities need more human attraction. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot nurse or take care of elders, they would
be depressed
earlier. In the retirement, most of them face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties without anybody.
Therefore
, productivity might be decreasing, illness replace it. Nobody can, not trust each other, alienation or even discrimination might
be skyrocketed
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about social life cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, someone can not handle it. In the other words, psychological situation may not be reverse after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitude against older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the number of patients in clinics which psychology department has risen in these decades all around the world. Due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
lonely and desperate.

In conclusion
, I restate that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evident
smoothly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is declining recently. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions in order to take care of them,
firstly
individuals should be aware of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation and should
be warned
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude for elders.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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