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In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v.1

In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v. 1
Senior citizens are the backbone of every society. Therefore, there is no doubt the elder people should get their respect in every country. But, this is not the present scenario. In contrast with the past, senior citizens are treated very rudely, almost in every country. There are many reasons why senior people are not getting their adequate respect and attention. But the most important reason is career aspirations. Nowadays, young generation is more careers oriented. That means people are spending more and more time towards their aspirations, where they are closely involved with their job, study and business. Many times, these people are required to travel out of their city and country, for their work. Therefore, the work balance is not healthy enough for this generation. On the other hand, due to this busy lifestyle young people are losing their culture are unknowingly they are neglecting older people. Secondly, today’s people think elder people are back dated. Hence, a healthy interaction between these two generations is very tiny. Due to this generation gap, young people think older people are not going to understand modern thinking. Subsequently, the attachment is getting thinner and as an outcome, young people are behaving in a sarcastic way with the older generation. Undoubtedly, the society is encountering many issues due to our negligence towards elder members of our society. Primarily, due to insufficient respect and lack of attention, maximum elder members are counting their days in old age homes. Therefore, we are losing our family bonding. Additionally, joint families are divided into nuclear families. Secondly, our next generations are not getting the love and affection from their grandparents. And subsequently, we are losing out culture and customs. For instance, I have spent much healthy time with my grandparents and they make me aware about our cultural values and customs. Whereas, our next generations don’t have the opportunity to spend quality time with their grandparents. Hence, they have to sacrifice valuable moments. To recapitulate, in every family, we respect our senior members due to their contribution and unconditional support. The same way, we should respect senior members of our country, for their enormous contribution towards the nation. Hence, we should pay attention towards elder members of our society. On the other hand, we should provide an opportunity for our younger members to spend happy moments with their grandparents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Senior
citizens are the backbone of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, there is no doubt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this is not the present scenario.
In contrast
with the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens
are treated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rudely
, almost in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not getting their adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is career aspirations.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is more careers oriented. That means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
towards their aspirations, where they are
closely
involved with their job, study and business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to travel out of their city and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, for their work.
Therefore
, the work balance is not healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for this generation.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this busy lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing their culture are
unknowingly
they are neglecting older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are back dated.
Hence
, a healthy interaction between these two generations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tiny.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this generation gap,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not going to understand modern thinking.
Subsequently
, the attachment is getting thinner and as an outcome,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are behaving
Consider replacing "in a sarcastic way" with the adverb for "sarcastic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a sarcastic way
with the older generation.

Undoubtedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is encountering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to our negligence towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and lack of attention, maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are counting their days in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes.
Therefore
, we are losing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding.
Additionally
, joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are divided
into nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Secondly
, our
next
generations are not getting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. And
subsequently
, we are losing out culture and customs.
For instance
, I have spent much healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grandparents and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me aware about our cultural values and customs.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, our
next
generations don’t have the opportunity to spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice valuable moments.

To recapitulate, in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their contribution and unconditional support. The same way, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, for their enormous contribution towards the nation.
Hence
, we should pay attention towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
On the other hand
, we should provide an opportunity for our younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to spend happy moments with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
392 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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