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Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. v. 1
Numerous people claim that the satisfied job is better than the stable occupation, whereas There are those who argue that the permanent job is a good way to find. According to the individual ideas, both viewpoints will be examined throughout this essay and support why are significantly different for several reasons. There are some aspects argue that finding a work relates to daily life. In fact, people have always regarded the job satisfaction is essential rather than the job stability. The first and the most obvious reason is that many labours do not have choice too much, this way affect them to accept and satisfy in their jobs. In addition, they observe their activities that might add their opportunities, particularly a gardener. Although they never went to college or know special skills, they might use their imagination to design a garden. Even their incomes are not stable, but if they satisfied. They might have the passion to continue their duties. On the other hand, finding a permanent business is a main factor for citizens. The most important one to consider is stable income, they possibly manage their expenditures. Due to the fact that most people are the breadwinner in each household, they need automatically to distinguish the expenses, such as the cost of utilities. It is likely the best way of avoiding unemployment. Additionally, a permanent career has opportunities to get a promotion. Another crucial reason is that a permanent job brings out the welfare of workers, they might receive the medical expense or insurance from collaboration. This action affects the worker tend to attempt to do their duties effectively. In conclusion, even through some groups of people prefer the job satisfaction, it also has certain employees decide to find the stable job. Personally, I firmly believe that the permanent occupation takes various of benefits to the workers. As a suggestion, the economy widely fluctuated, so the permanent job possibly has the least effect.
Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
occupation, whereas There are those who argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to find. According to the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, both viewpoints will
be examined
throughout this essay and support why are
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for several reasons.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects argue that finding a work relates to daily life. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have always regarded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is essential
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stability. The
first
and the most obvious reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
do not have choice too much, this way affect them to accept and satisfy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In addition
, they observe their activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
their opportunities,
particularly
a gardener. Although they never went to college or know special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their imagination to design a garden. Even their incomes are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they satisfied. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have the passion to continue their duties.

On the other hand
, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
business is a main factor for citizens. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one to consider is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
income, they
possibly
manage their expenditures. Due to the fact that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the breadwinner in each household, they need
automatically
to distinguish the expenses, such as the cost of utilities. It is likely the best way of avoiding unemployment.
Additionally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
career has opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion. Another crucial reason is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
brings out the welfare of workers, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
receive the medical expense or insurance from collaboration. This action affects the worker tend to attempt to do their duties
effectively
.

In conclusion
, even through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction, it
also
has certain employees decide to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Personally
, I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
occupation takes various of benefits to the workers. As a suggestion, the economy
widely
fluctuated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
possibly
has the least effect.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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