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In cities many people are living alone. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative trend? v.1

In cities many people are living alone. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative trend? v. 1
It is observed by many, metropolitan’s cities are getting over-crowded day by day, which is the primary reason of devastation of trees, pollution, congestion and many more. Now it has become an emergency to control the metro cities from being overflowed and take steps to develop countryside, otherwise life will get more vulnerable for their inhabitants. Big cities are becoming unhealthy for the survival of living beings due to massive population. It has seen that individuals are migrating continuously from rural places to urban areas for the sake of better lifestyle as transportation and communication facilities are available in metro cities. To make a place to live for the movers, builders are promoting to cut down the trees in the rapid manner, so that construction of colonies can take place. Devastation of green environment is increasing pollution at an alarming rate. Owing to high demand for the living places, flats are getting popular and congestion is creating difficult to breath and habitants are suffering from asthma, heart attack and many other dangerous diseases. It can be solved and overcome by developing backward areas. Firstly, the government should pay serious attention towards the condition of undeveloped areas. Electricity and road conditions should be improved urgently. Secondly, entrepreneurs should be motivated and discounted to open plants and commercial sectors in rural areas, it will provide employment and work opportunities to their natives and they will stop moving to developed cities. Thirdly, pool system and public vehicle should be used to commute to make cities less occupied. Furthermore, heavy penalty and fine should be imposed on cut down of trees beyond some limit. In conclusion, crowd in urban centres is generating numerous problems and it is an urgency to take crucial steps to save the nation from rudimentary stage, consequently it will get quite hard for everyone even to breathe. Development of backward areas could prove lucrative for this dilemma.
It
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, metropolitan’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are getting over-crowded day by day, which is the primary reason of devastation of trees, pollution, congestion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it has become an emergency to control the metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from
being overflowed
and take steps to develop countryside,
otherwise
life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more vulnerable for their inhabitants.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are becoming unhealthy for the survival of living beings due to massive population. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that individuals are migrating
continuously
from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for the sake of better lifestyle as transportation and communication facilities are available in metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for the movers, builders are promoting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the trees in the rapid manner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that construction of colonies can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Devastation of green environment is increasing pollution at an alarming rate. Owing to high demand for the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, flats are getting popular and congestion is creating difficult to breath and habitants are suffering from asthma, heart attack and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.

It can
be solved
and overcome by developing backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay serious attention towards the condition of undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Electricity and road conditions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
urgently
.
Secondly
, entrepreneurs should
be motivated
and discounted to open plants and commercial sectors in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, it will provide employment and work opportunities to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
natives and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
moving to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Thirdly
, pool system and public vehicle should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to commute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
less occupied.
Furthermore
, heavy penalty and fine should
be imposed
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down of trees beyond
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limit.

In conclusion
, crowd in urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is generating numerous problems and it is an urgency to take crucial steps to save the nation from rudimentary stage,
consequently
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for everyone even to breathe. Development of backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
could prove lucrative for this dilemma.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In cities many people are living alone. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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