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With the rise of ebooks comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good forward step while others do not. What are advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.3

With the rise of ebooks comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good forward step while others do not. What are advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 3
Nowadays, the number of overweight people is significantly increasing due to the advanced technology and loss of productivity. Being overweight will cause an effect on health and people’s surrounding. There are many causes of overweight and also plenty of bad consequences following. In my opinion, overweight caused by the lack of exercise, unhealthy eating habits, and laziness. Our world has become more advanced each day, which affects people’s lives in a good and a bad way. For instance, food can be ordered through online applications and will deliver to your house. It may be convenient from time to time but it can also put the customer at a high risk of obesity. People also tend to go to fast-food restaurants more often than the walk-in restaurants because it is faster and cheaper. For example, people are busy with office work or academic work, which they do not have enough time to prepare healthy meals so they would want to purchase something that is quick and inexpensive. Moreover, fast-food restaurants have services called drive-thru, which means that customers can order and pick up foods by cars. Driving cars to places has resulted in a reduction of exercise because it has allowed customers to drive instead of walking. Being overweight will be followed up with negative consequences such as diseases and side effects from the disease as well. Firstly, obesity will put you at a high risk of diabetes or heart attack caused by a large amount of body fat that has been collected for a long period of time. Secondly, being overweight can cause stress, anxiety, tiredness. In conclusion, obesity has become one of the biggest problems in society due to inactive lifestyles. Nowadays, people chose to use transportations instead of walking and also use advanced technology to order food from home. All of these habits have become severely common but will cause a negative effect in the future. Obesity can cause diabetes, heart attack, stress, or anxiety, which it is being said that obesity is a very unhealthy condition.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
significantly
increasing due to the advanced technology and loss of productivity. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
an effect on health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
surrounding. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "following". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences following
.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
caused by the lack of exercise, unhealthy eating habits, and laziness. Our world has become more advanced each day, which affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
For instance
, food can
be ordered
through online applications and will deliver to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. It may be convenient from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
put the customer at a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
tend to go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurants more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than the walk-in restaurants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is faster and cheaper.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy with office work or academic work, which they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to prepare healthy meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something
that is
quick and inexpensive.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurants have services called drive-thru, which means that customers can order and pick up foods by cars. Driving cars to places has resulted in a reduction of exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
customers to drive
instead
of walking.

Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
will
be followed
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences such as diseases and side effects from the disease
as well
.
Firstly
, obesity will put you at a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diabetes or heart attack caused by a large amount of body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
that has
been collected
for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Secondly
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety, tiredness.

In conclusion
, obesity has become one of the biggest problems in society due to inactive lifestyles. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
transportations
instead
of walking and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advanced technology to order food from home. All of these habits have become
severely
common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect in the future. Obesity can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
diabetes, heart attack,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, or anxiety, which it is
being said
that obesity is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy condition.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the rise of ebooks comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good forward step while others do not. What are advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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