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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v.9

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v. 9
These days many educated and highly skilled people are struggling to get a decent job. Migrated people in developed countries are facing this same problem in many cases. In my opinion, there are three main reasons for this including economy instability, scarce of job positions and discrepancy in salary. To begin with, economy recessions are the leading reasons why plenty of highly skilled professionals prefer to leave their country and live in a developed country. Clearly, as economy condition deteriorates, many of governmental or private corporations are more likely to lay off their employees or quit their hiring. For example, in the Middle East, the last economy challenge occurred in 2008, caused a multitude of doctors or engineers emigrated from their country and resided in Europe or North America. Had their country had a better financial situation, the number of immigrants would not have grown so fast. As a consequence, the scarcity of jobs for such professionals is common in many parts of the world. Another reason is insufficient career opportunities applicants have faced. Obviously, as the population of poor nations rose, the number of job-seekers boomed phenomenally, and companies and factories had fewer job positions for the ones were looking for a job. In particular, only in India, during the last two decades, thousands of medical graduates have not found enough fortunes for practising in their home country. Lastly, there is a far considerable gap between the salary of weak and powerful countries. Non-surprisingly, highly qualified workers are paid far more significant in rich countries than the amount they receive in their home country. For instance, the minimum wage in Canada is just above ten dollars per hour, nearly ten times higher than a simple worker obtains in Iran. Therefore, it can be a perfect motivation the latter becomes more interested to live and stay the lifetime in Canada. However, these migrated professionals are suffering to secure related jobs in many cased both in their home and migrated countries. To sum up, job scarcity in many countries are increasing rapidly. In my opinion, economy, job and payment issues are the three factors which induce people with better educational background and skills to remain unemployed.
These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educated and
highly
skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Migrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing this same problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases. In my opinion, there are three main reasons for this including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
instability, scarce of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions and discrepancy in salary.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
recessions are the leading reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
highly
skilled professionals prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Clearly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
condition deteriorates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of governmental or private corporations are more likely to lay off their employees or quit their hiring.
For example
, in the Middle East, the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
challenge occurred in 2008, caused a multitude of doctors or engineers emigrated from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and resided in Europe or North America. Had their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
had a better financial situation, the number of immigrants would not have grown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. As a consequence, the scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for such professionals is common in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.

Another reason is insufficient career opportunities applicants have faced.
Obviously
, as the population of poor nations rose, the number of job-seekers boomed
phenomenally
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories had fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions for the ones were looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In particular
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in India, during the last two decades, thousands of medical graduates have not found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
fortunes for
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
in their home country.

Lastly
, there is a far considerable gap between the salary of weak and powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Non-
surprisingly
,
highly
qualified workers
are paid
far more significant in rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than the amount they receive in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, the minimum wage in Canada is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above ten dollars per hour,
nearly
ten times higher than a simple worker obtains in Iran.
Therefore
, it can be a perfect motivation the latter becomes more interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and stay the lifetime in Canada.
However
, these migrated professionals are suffering to secure related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cased both in their home and migrated countries.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
scarcity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are increasing
rapidly
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and payment issues are the three factors which induce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with better educational background and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to remain unemployed.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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