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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v.4

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v. 4
Unemployment is on the rise. In fact, even highly qualified graduates are now finding it difficult to get a job. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. The ongoing economic crisis is one of the main reasons of unemployment. Recession has forced many organizations to stop hiring new people. As a result, fresh graduates receive no job offer. Even employed people are getting laid off due to the financial turmoil in world’s major economies. It should also be noted that major economies like the US, the UK and Germany have long stopped growing. When economic growth remains stagnant, the need for new talent also diminishes. This is the main reason behind the increase in unemployment in the developed world. At the same time, there is an increase in the number of people graduating from universities. This is particularly true in the case of developing nations. Thanks to the economic growth in these nations, more and more students can now afford university education. For example, in India, the number of people who graduated in 2016 was significantly higher than the number of people who graduated from universities ten or fifteen years ago. Unfortunately, in spite of its rapid economic growth, the country still does not have enough jobs for all of its people. Another reason that leads to unemployment in developed nations is the outsourcing of jobs to developing nations where cheap labour is available. Unemployment is likely to be a cause for concern in the coming years too. In my opinion, young graduates should stop waiting for job offers from Fortune 500 companies. Instead, they should find jobs themselves. The internet has actually made this easier. It allows people to sell their products or services to interested parties all over the world. Also, graduates seeking employment must stop the obsession with white collar jobs. If they don’t mind sweating it out, jobs are still available. To conclude, unemployment can be attributed to two factors – the increase in the number of graduates and the decrease in economic growth. The only way to solve this problem is to encourage people to find employment themselves. This might require them to take up manual jobs but having a job is way better than having none at all.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
is on the rise. In fact, even
highly
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
finding it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this unfortunate development.

The ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis is one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
. Recession has forced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
hiring new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
receive no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer. Even employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting laid off due to the financial turmoil in world’s major economies. It should
also
be noted
that major economies like the US, the UK and Germany have long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
growing. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
remains stagnant, the need for new talent
also
diminishes. This is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in the developed world.

At the same time, there is an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
graduating from universities. This is
particularly
true in the case of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, more and more students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
afford university education.
For example
, in India, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who graduated in 2016 was
significantly
higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who graduated from universities ten or fifteen years ago. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
its rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, the country
still
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for all of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is the outsourcing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is available.

Unemployment is likely to be a cause for concern in the coming years too. In my opinion, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
waiting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers from Fortune 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Instead
, they should find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
themselves. The internet has actually made this easier. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sell their products or services to interested parties all over the world.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
seeking employment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the obsession with white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. If they don’t mind sweating it out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
still
available.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
can
be attributed
to two factors
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and the decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve this problem is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find employment themselves. This might require them to take up manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is way better than having none at all.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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