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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v.1

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v. 1
There is no dearth of well educated and qualified graduates that are currently unemployed in todays world. This has become a common issue faced by nations irrespective of their development status. The reasons behind this disparity are multifold. Central to this issue is the rising population in the preceding century. In addition, the betterment of our healthcare systems has led to a prolonged life expectancy. These two factors have worked in tandem and eventually led to this chasm between the demand and supply of employment opportunities. Moreover, the 21st century has witnessed a boom in automation technologies, which has resulted in certain kinds of manual labour becoming obsolete. This has been notable in the packaging and supply chain industries. Industry leaders such as Amazon and Uber have been pushing for further automation in our daily lives. Finally, more and more people have been attending colleges and universities which focus on academic development over skill building or vocational expertise. In my opinion, we need to approach this conundrum using a multipronged solution which focusses on increasing job creation and diversification of vocational skill building at a pre university level. This will ensure enhanced local employability. In this age of communication and globalisation, we must also shift our focus towards creating a global work force geared towards environmental issues and preservation of natural resources. To summarise, I believe that the rising unemployment rates are a result of the exponential population growth along with the prolongation of average life expectancy. Another significant contributor is the increased use of automation in industries. Our approach to rectify this issue will depend on job creation and global collaboration.
There is no dearth of
well educated
and qualified graduates that are
currently
unemployed in
todays
world. This has become a common
issue
faced by nations irrespective of their development status.

The reasons behind this disparity are
multifold
. Central to this
issue
is the rising population in the preceding century.
In addition
, the betterment of our healthcare systems has led to a prolonged life expectancy. These two factors have worked in tandem and
eventually
led to this chasm between the demand and supply of employment opportunities.

Moreover
, the 21st century has witnessed a boom in automation technologies, which has resulted in certain kinds of manual
labour
becoming obsolete. This has been notable in the packaging and supply chain industries. Industry leaders such as Amazon and Uber have been pushing for
further
automation in our daily
lives
.
Finally
, more and more
people
have been attending colleges and universities which focus on academic development over
skill
building or vocational expertise.

In my opinion, we need to approach this conundrum using a
multipronged
solution which
focusses
on increasing job creation and diversification of vocational
skill
building at a
pre
university level. This will ensure enhanced local employability. In this age of communication and
globalisation
, we
must
also
shift our focus towards creating a global work force geared towards environmental
issues
and preservation of natural resources.

To
summarise
, I believe that the rising unemployment rates are a result of the exponential population growth along with the prolongation of average life expectancy. Another significant contributor is the increased
use
of automation in industries. Our approach to rectify this
issue
will depend on job creation and global collaboration.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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