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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.3

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v. 3
The development of a nation is dependent on the literacy rate and the number of educated individuals in it. Recently, it is seen in many nations that, an increasing number of people are left jobless despite having completed their tertiary education. This essay shall examine the possible causes and provide the remedial measures in order to tackle this issue. Firstly, the reason for this cause is a lack of determination towards studies and enrolling for easier and short term courses. Students, after completing their secondary education are exposed to a broad level of education. In addition, due to the technological advancements, pupils have deviated from their focus and have moved on to concentrate on other things excluding studies. A clear example, in a survey conducted by Google, students devoted 65 % of their time to mobile phones. Furthermore, teenagers have started to opt for less difficult and less stressful courses. They complete the tertiary education just to fulfil their parents expectations regardless of the understanding of the course. For instance, more folks have opted for hotel management degree, just because it is not hectic. However, this attitude has caused a global unemployment and increase in number of degree graduates. From my perspective, if we are to overcome this scenario of increasing unemployment, we should transform the courses into practical work rather than theoretical. Also, government should install new firms and attract multinational companies. The education system we live in is focused more on paper work instead of real life applications. Thus, making it a tiring work for a lot of individuals. For example, industrial visits, field work and internships will help students gain the knowledge required in future. In addition, if bureaucrats provide opportunities by attracting foreign companies, this will lead to a plethora of jobs and the employment rate shall go up. Having said this, not only the government, but as well as the board of education should undergo major changes in order to overcome this problem. To sum up, lack of efforts towards education and student's mindset have both contributed to the situation. However, with combined endeavours of bureaucrats and education community employment will rise and the nation shall prosper.
The development of a nation is dependent on the literacy rate and the number of educated individuals in it. Recently, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations that, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
jobless despite having completed their tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This essay shall examine the possible causes and provide the remedial measures in order to tackle this issue.

Firstly
, the reason for this cause is a lack of determination towards studies and enrolling for easier and short term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Students, after completing their secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are exposed
to a broad level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
In addition
, due to the technological advancements, pupils have deviated from their focus and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
on to concentrate on other things excluding studies. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, in a survey conducted by Google, students devoted 65 % of their time to mobile phones.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to opt for less difficult and less stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. They complete the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to fulfil their parents expectations regardless of the understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
For instance
, more folks have opted for hotel management degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not hectic.
However
, this attitude has caused a global unemployment and increase in number of degree graduates.

From my perspective, if we are to overcome this scenario of increasing unemployment, we should transform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
into practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than theoretical.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should install new firms and attract multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
is focused
more on paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of real life applications.
Thus
, making it a tiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals.
For example
, industrial visits, field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and internships will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students gain the knowledge required
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
In addition
, if bureaucrats provide opportunities by attracting foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, this will lead to a plethora of jobs and the employment rate shall go up. Having said this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as the board of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should undergo major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in order to overcome this problem.

To sum up, lack of efforts towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and student's mindset have both contributed to the situation.
However
, with combined
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
of bureaucrats and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
community employment will rise and the nation shall prosper.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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