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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v.2

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v. 2
There is a real issue that the highly educated student can not be employed after finishing university. It can be seen in many counties around the world. I strongly believe that there are a few reasons for that. Two of them are systems of education is not related to a real modern work process and universities do not follow the job trends. Looking for a job offer almost every vacancy required at least one-year experience in a particular area. It has happened, I think, because of the lack of real skill. Many universities make affords on theoretical knowledge and quite frequently forget about practice. However, practice is appreciated by employments and helps make work effectively. My opinion that one of the best solutions is to change the study system and to invite the best workers as teachers. It allows developing only knowledge and skill in demand in the job market. It helps students to realise what their future work about and what they really will do in a few years. A typical situation when one profession that was well-paid and everyone wants to have this profession, but everything is changed in five years. This specialisation is not well and probably going to die in a while. At the same time, new jobs are appearing, that are more technical, and required highly qualified students. In this case, universities and employers should work together to break different between whom employers want and whom university can graduate. One of the solutions, that is applied in Belarus, is getting document where employer asks university prepare student and employer must give place to work after graduation. An entering score for their students is lower than others. In conclusion, I strongly believe all these problems could be overcome by universities companies and government.
There is a real issue that the
highly
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can not
be employed
after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
counties around the world. I
strongly
believe that there are a few reasons for that. Two of them are systems of education is not related to a real modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
process and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do not follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
trends.

Looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer almost every vacancy required at least one-year experience in a particular area. It has happened, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
affords on theoretical knowledge and quite
frequently
forget about practice.
However
, practice
is appreciated
by employments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
. My opinion that one of the best solutions is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the study system and to invite the best workers as teachers. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in demand in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
what their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
about and what they
really
will do in a few years.

A typical situation when one profession that was well-paid and everyone wants to have this profession,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in five years. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialisation' is British English.
specialisation
is not well and
probably
going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in a while. At the same time, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are appearing
, that are more technical, and required
highly
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between whom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
want and whom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can graduate. One of the solutions, that
is applied
in Belarus, is getting document where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
asks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduation. An entering score for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is lower than others.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe all these problems could
be overcome
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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