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In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.4

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this had a negative effect on their health. with this opinion. v. 4
Some people are of the opinion that the diet and lifestyle of young people has changed dramatically compared with the previous eras and has led to the rise of health problems in the youth. I completely agree with this notion for the following reasons. First and foremost, with the rise in popularity of fast food and ready made meals, many children as well as parents prefer them over home cooked meals. Children are attracted by advertisements put out by restaurants deliberately targeted at them. For example, a 'happy meal' is an item offered by a leading fast food chain which comes with a toy and hence kids force their parents to buy it for them. In addition, with both parents working full time to support the family, they do no find enough time to prepare food at home and simply purchase ready made meals from outside. The food available from restaurants is often high in sodium and fat which has resulted in the rise of obesity in children. Drinks like soda and deserts like chocolate and candies have also significantly contributed in causing various health problems in children including tooth decay and cavities. Secondly, with the introduction of video games and social networking websites, adolescents are spending more time behind their computer screens instead of going out and playing with their friends. Childhood obesity and diabetes has increased because of the sedentary lifestyles that young people lead today. Outdoor activities like basketball, swimming and running have decreased in popularity and have been replaced by browsing the internet and watching movies. In conclusion, the poor eating habits and lack of physical activity has resulted in the rise of serious health problems in the young people and there is a dire need to find a solution to this trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that the diet and lifestyle of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
compared with the previous eras and has led to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
of health problems in the youth. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion for the following reasons.

First
and foremost, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
in popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
meals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as parents prefer them over home cooked meals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are attracted
by advertisements put out by restaurants
deliberately
targeted at them.
For example
, a 'happy meal' is an item offered by a leading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a toy and
hence
kids force their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for them.
In addition
, with both parents working full time to support the family, they do no find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home and
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
meals from outside. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
available from restaurants is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
high in sodium and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
which has resulted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Drinks like soda and
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "desserts" (= a confectionery course that concludes a main meal) instead of 'deserts' (= a barren area of landscape with little precipitation)?
deserts
like chocolate and candies have
also
significantly
contributed in causing various health problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
including tooth decay and cavities.

Secondly
, with the introduction of video games and social networking websites, adolescents are spending more time behind their computer screens
instead
of going out and playing with their friends. Childhood obesity and diabetes has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sedentary lifestyles that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Outdoor activities like basketball, swimming and running have decreased in popularity and have
been replaced
by browsing the internet and watching movies.

In conclusion
, the poor eating habits and lack of physical activity has resulted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
of serious health problems in the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and there is a dire need to find a solution to this trend.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this had a negative effect on their health. with this opinion. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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