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Some people opine that cinema will eventually lose its appeal to mass people and very few people will go to cinema halls. v.1

Some people opine that cinema will eventually lose its appeal to mass people and very few people will go to cinema halls. v. 1
The beauty of the cinema to show films on a wide screen with good sound quality has amused people for centuries. Some critics argue that enthusiasm of people going to the silver screen is fading with time and might ultimately arrive at an end someday. I agree with the critics and feel that with advancements in technology, the trend of watching films in cinema may pass on soon. Recent headways in Technology has provided enormous choices to humans to invest time in like high technology smartphone, LED HD display TV,   Home theatre, Video games with excellent graphics and so on. Such humongous possibilities for entertainment have left little time to people to spend on watching movies at the cinema. Not just this, easily available and inexpensive DVD's and movie on the internet facilitates watching a movie anywhere, anytime and any number of times. With more and more such options heading up, the urge to watch a motion picture at the theatre has gone down further. Nevertheless, with advancements in technology, the cinema has evolved so much that almost all the action movies and animated films are shown with high-class 3D effects and clear sound quality to maintain the craze of people in watching the movie at theatres. Further, to draw more and more audiences, cinemas are giving discount offers on movie nowadays.   But still, the people visiting cinema are fewer in number as compared to earlier times. To sum up, with catching trends in technology, people are favouring electronic gadgets and DVD's more over cinema movies. Despite so many endeavours by the cinema owners to attract audiences, the numbers of people watching movies at the cinema are decreasing with time and may fade out soon.
The beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
films on a wide screen with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sound quality has amused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for centuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
critics argue that enthusiasm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going to the silver screen is fading with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and might
ultimately
arrive at an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
someday. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the critics and feel that with advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the trend of watching films in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
may pass on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
headways
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has provided enormous choices to humans to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in like high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
smartphone, LED HD display TV,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Home
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, Video games with excellent graphics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Such humongous possibilities for entertainment have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
this,
easily
available and inexpensive DVD's and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on the internet facilitates watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
anywhere, anytime and any number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. With more and more such options heading up, the urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a motion picture at the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
has gone down
further
.

Nevertheless
, with advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
has evolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that almost all the action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and animated films
are shown
with high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
3D effects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
sound quality to maintain the craze of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
at
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.
Further
, to draw more and more audiences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
are giving discount offers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
nowadays.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
fewer in number
as compared to earlier times.

To sum up, with catching trends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
electronic gadgets and DVD's more over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
owners to attract audiences, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
are decreasing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and may fade out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people opine that cinema will eventually lose its appeal to mass people and very few people will go to cinema halls. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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