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Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. v.1

Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. v. 1
There are modern investigations that have asserted that various forms of media such as World Wide Web and television have enormously affected individual’s perspectives. Although some might believe that government officials are more influential being in the society, it can be argued that broadcasted information in media generates bigger impact on their decisions. Primarily, government officials are those people who are more affluent and authoritative. They have wealth and power to manipulate people’s actions. There are some cases that people have been promised that the government will bring changes to the status of a country. Furthermore, elite lawmakers were also the one who propose legislations, which creates overall control of a society. As a result, citizens have left any choices but to oblige to the law. In contrast, there are also justifications that state that mass media has a higher influential contribution to the public. Firstly, the scope of information in multifarious forms of media is presumably broad. The information such as news, knowledge and updates are delivered instantly at people’s convenience. Secondly, these days, celebrities are now being used by media to advertise products, which are negligible among the crowd. Some arguments suggest that these successful people have the higher chance of persuasion because they are often being shown in various forms of media. In my opinion, I assert that mass media have changed people’s actions because of the diverse range of information it has. Indubitably, government officials have the prerogatives to undermine people because they hold the privilege to introduce legislations. However, some justifications state that people’s democratic rights can contradict the verdicts of the government in a form of appeal or revolution. To conclude, the influence of government leaders in a country is undeniable because of monetary advantages and bestowed powers, but the scope of messages in media and the collaboration of celebrities have a strong impact on people's lives.
There are modern investigations that have asserted that various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as World Wide Web and television have
enormously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
individual’s perspectives. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
officials are more influential being in the society, it can
be argued
that broadcasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
generates bigger impact on their decisions.

Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
officials are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more affluent and authoritative. They have wealth and power to manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
actions. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been promised
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the status of a country.
Furthermore
, elite lawmakers were
also
the one who propose
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
, which creates
overall
control of a society.
As a result
, citizens have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
any choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to oblige to the law.

In contrast
, there are
also
justifications that state that mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a higher influential contribution to the public.
Firstly
, the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is presumably broad. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as news, knowledge and updates
are delivered
instantly
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
convenience.
Secondly
, these days, celebrities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to advertise products, which are negligible among the crowd.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
arguments suggest that these successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the higher chance of persuasion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
being shown
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of media.

In my opinion, I assert that mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the diverse range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
it has.
Indubitably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
officials have the prerogatives to undermine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hold the privilege to introduce
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justifications state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
democratic rights can contradict the verdicts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of appeal or revolution.

To conclude
, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
leaders in a country is undeniable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of monetary advantages and bestowed powers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the scope of messages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the collaboration of celebrities have a strong impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Elif Safak

IELTS essay Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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