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In many countries there is a shortage of suitable people for essential jobs. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.1

In many countries there is a shortage of suitable people for essential jobs. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1
To start this topic, nowadays choices are more on everything unlike the olden days. The way people choosing their career are one of the best examples of how people have options for making it their life better. A few years earlier, students had very less option to choose their higher study, most of the students had gone to either medical or engineering courses. It is not only the student's mistake, however the institutions were offered these type of courses only. It was believed that, either one of the courses will give the opportunity to yield the jobs which was required to settle in the life. In this era, the students have a plethora of opting to go with their career as the educational institutes are evolved to the level which they did not even expect. The institution provides specialization in each and every aspect of the education. The following stanza will show my real life examples and situation where I got the choices to make my career as best. For instance, after my completion of the higher studies, I supposed to go college for my graduation. Everyone has their childhood dream, as I do. I was astonished with the opportunities in front of me. Particularly, there was a course at my college where it had dual major subjects. As part of my course, I had electronics and computer science, after I finished the course, either I can go to job in electrical side or the computer side. Else, I can go to post graduation on either side. To conclude this, I strongly agree the point where nowadays people have more options than the previous generations. From my life example also, proves the same.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
this topic, nowadays choices are more on everything unlike the olden days. The way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing their career are one of the best examples of how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have options for making it their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better.

A few years earlier, students had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less option to choose their higher study, most of the students had gone to either medical or engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the student's mistake,
however
the institutions
were offered
these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. It
was believed
that, either one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will give the opportunity to yield the jobs which
was required
to settle in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this era, the students have a plethora of opting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
their career as the educational institutes
are evolved
to the level which they did not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
. The institution provides specialization in each and every aspect of the education. The following stanza will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
examples and situation where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the choices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my career as best.

For instance
, after my completion of the higher studies, I supposed to go college for my graduation. Everyone has their childhood dream, as I do. I
was astonished
with the opportunities in front of me.
Particularly
, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
at my college where it had dual major subjects. As part of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I had electronics and computer science, after I finished the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, either I can go to job in electrical side or the computer side. Else, I can go to post graduation on either side.

To conclude
this, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the point where nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more options than the previous generations. From my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
example
also
, proves the same.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries there is a shortage of suitable people for essential jobs. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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