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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place. v.61

Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place. v. 61
The young people who commit crime should not be punished the same way as the adults who commit illegal acts, because younger generation may not mature enough to understand their illegal acts, and the adults should also take response to the illegal acts. Nowadays, the number of the illegal acts has been conducted by the young people is increasing, there are many causes of this, such as; child abuse, human trafficking, mental disease. In addition, child abuse is the leading cause, because the abused children are developing a violent behaviour. Moreover, many young people have been exploited by human traffickers, the traffickers will force their victims to conduct the illegal acts. In addition, mental illnesses are also a factor, this may guide the patients to commit an illegal activity without a reason. This is clear that the reasons why the young people are working against the law, is not only cause by themselves, but also by many factors and the adults may be one of the reasons. Hence, this is unfair to a society if the young people should be punished the same way as adults who commit the illegal acts. In contrast, they need more attention from the adults, this will help them to become a good person. In conclusion, one should not agree with the idea, although, the adults may be able to resolve many of their own problems by accepting the idea, but this may lead to a bigger problem, because if the society is containing these immature people, this is a time for them to take their responsibility.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
crime should not
be punished
the same way as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger generation may not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should
also
take response to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
acts.

Nowadays, the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
has
been conducted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
increasing, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of this, such as; child abuse, human trafficking, mental disease.
In addition
, child abuse is the leading cause,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the abused children are developing a violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been exploited
by human traffickers, the traffickers will force their victims to conduct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
.
In addition
, mental illnesses are
also
a factor, this may guide the patients to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
activity without a reason.

This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working against the law, is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause by themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
may be one of the reasons.
Hence
, this is unfair to a society if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be punished
the same way as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
.
In contrast
, they need more attention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.

In conclusion
, one should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
may be able to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems by accepting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this may lead to a bigger problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the society
The verb 'containing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is containing
these immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this is a time for them to take their responsibility.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place. v. 61

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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