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In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v.9

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 9
It is true that in some countries the number of senior people is growing steadily. It is undeniable that the issue has some benefits and drawbacks, but I personally believe that it has more drawbacks and the following essay will discuss them in details. On the one hand, the increasing number of older people in a country shows some positive aspects. Firstly, it means that the healthcare system in the country is quite high, the economic condition of the people is better and citizens have a better lifestyle than those in other countries. Senior people with better economic conditions are able to purchase healthier foods and consume enough vitamins, which are essential for maintaining their health level. Secondly, it also shows that the government has successfully provided a better medication for the senior people. As the quality of the public health services improves, it means that more and more old people are being fairly treated. Consequently, they could maintain their health level and have a longer life expectancy. Some sectors like teaching, research and politics require extensive experience and the older people in such countries can contribute to these sectors. On the other hand, the growing number of senior citizens also has some negative consequences. As the number of the old people increases, the government has to provide a higher budget for retirement houses and medical services. These funds are collected from taxes from other citizens. If the ratio of older people increases in a country, then the percentage of working class people decreases and that has a direct impact on the economic progress of the country. Lastly, the country will also face population density problem. As the medication and health facilities improve, the mortality rate of the country also increase, and it would cause a serious population problem for the country. In conclusion, despite all the advantages, increasing number of senior people in a country has some disadvantages as well. I personally believe that a country should focus on maintaining a balanced ratio for the population of different age groups.
It is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is growing
steadily
. It is undeniable that the issue has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe that it has more drawbacks and the following essay will discuss them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.
Firstly
, it means that the healthcare system in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is quite high, the economic condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and citizens have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
lifestyle than those in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
economic conditions are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
healthier foods and consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
vitamins, which are essential for maintaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
level.
Secondly
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
successfully
provided a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
medication for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As the quality of the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
, it means that more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being
fairly
treated.
Consequently
, they could maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
level and have a longer life expectancy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sectors like teaching, research and politics require extensive experience and the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can contribute to these sectors.

On the other hand
, the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide a higher budget for retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and medical services. These funds
are collected
from taxes from other citizens. If the ratio of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, then the percentage of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
decreases
and that has a direct impact on the economic progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
also
face population density problem. As the medication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, the mortality rate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
increase, and it would cause a serious population problem for the country.

In conclusion
, despite all the advantages, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
. I
personally
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should focus on maintaining a balanced ratio for the population of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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