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In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v.8

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 8
Thanks to the technological and scientific advancements, people's lives have become significantly progressed, particularly in improving human health with the most modern applications and effective treatments. It is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has been a phenomenon in many countries as well as impacted both positively and negatively on their societies. Older adults have been appreciated as the valuable and essential resource to their communities with material and immaterial contributions which benefit the younger. The increased longevity might create many time opportunities for those who still eager to pursue their working or researching passion for societal development, encouraging the young generations to inherit and attempt more for further success. The retirement age has been adjusted in most of working fields in order that the elderly can work longer with their contributing expectation, particularly the working year maximum of 60 for men and that of 55 for women. In spite of significant values that the elderly can bring to the society, there are some negative implications which might put the government and the whole community under financial and healthcare pressure. The more people retire, the heavier pension burden the state has to carry. After a certain period of time for working, whether their living standards are better, they still have right to receive social welfare from their government. Therefore, many countries consequently take more consideration into budget distribution for this section. Additionally, the increasing amount of older adults is more likely to exacerbate overpopulation worldwide, which will lead to many overloaded facilities as hospitals, retirement homes and housing provision. The constant proliferation in the ageing population has been obviously creating both benefits and burdens to their societies. Therefore, the government in every country should implement aging-friendly policies and efficient programs so as to mitigate this issue's negative influences and still progress people's standards of living.
Thanks to the technological and scientific advancements,
people
's
lives
have become
significantly
progressed,
particularly
in improving human health with the most modern applications and effective treatments. It is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has been a phenomenon in
many
countries
as well
as impacted both
positively
and
negatively
on their societies.

Older adults have
been appreciated
as the valuable and essential resource to their communities with material and immaterial contributions which benefit the younger. The increased longevity might create
many
time opportunities for those who
still
eager to pursue their
working
or researching passion for societal development, encouraging the young generations to inherit and attempt more for
further
success. The retirement age has
been adjusted
in most of
working
fields in order that the elderly can work longer with their contributing expectation,
particularly
the
working
year maximum of 60 for
men
and that of 55 for women.

In spite of
significant values that the elderly can bring to the society, there are
some
negative
implications which might put the
government
and the whole community under financial and healthcare pressure. The more
people
retire, the heavier pension burden the state
has to
carry. After a certain period of time for
working
, whether their living standards are better, they
still
have right to receive social welfare from their
government
.
Therefore
,
many
countries
consequently
take more consideration into budget distribution for this section.
Additionally
, the increasing amount of older adults is more likely to exacerbate overpopulation worldwide, which will lead to
many
overloaded facilities as hospitals, retirement homes and housing provision.

The constant proliferation in the
ageing
population has been
obviously
creating both benefits and burdens to their societies.
Therefore
, the
government
in every country should implement aging-friendly policies and efficient programs
so as to
mitigate this issue's
negative
influences and
still
progress
people
's standards of living.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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