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In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? v.3

In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? v. 3
Criminals are a menace to our society and it is a matter of concern that the crime rate has increased dramatically in many countries. In this essay, I will discuss the main reasons of crimes and propose some solutions to combat the problem. First of all, the main reason behind the prevalence of crime is poverty as most of the people in developing countries are daily wagers, and they have to struggle for their bread. Out of hunger, some people start doing petty thefts at shops and cars, and by the time some of them become gangsters. A study conducted by a University in Denmark revealed that the children growing up in poverty are seven times more likely to be involved in violent crimes as young adults. Another cause is the over-ambitious nature of some individuals. In other words, some people keep an eye on other's wealth, and they become so desperate that they follow any illegal path to attain it. To tackle this problem, the first and foremost step is strict law and order. Incorruptible law enforcement authorities could help in converting a dangerous zone into safer region. For example, the US has a crime-rate of only 2% as compared to Somalia, whose crime-rate is 50% due to strict implementation of rules by the former. Secondly, governments should increase employment opportunities so that every individual could earn their living. Thus, the poor would not be compelled to do misdeeds to fulfil their minimum necessities. In conclusion, although the problem of crime is not insurmountable, I believe that it is the government's responsibility to solve these issues, and they should begin by considering some of the solutions proposed above.
Criminals are a menace to our society and it is a matter of concern that the
crime
rate has increased
dramatically
in
many
countries. In this essay, I will discuss the main reasons of
crimes
and propose
some
solutions to combat the problem.

First of all
, the main reason behind the prevalence of
crime
is poverty as most of the
people
in
developing countries
are daily wagers, and they
have to
struggle for their bread. Out of hunger,
some
people
start
doing petty thefts at shops and cars, and by the time
some
of them become gangsters. A study conducted by a University in Denmark revealed that the children growing up in poverty are seven times more likely to
be involved
in violent
crimes
as young adults. Another cause is the over-ambitious nature of
some
individuals.
In other words
,
some
people
keep
an eye on other's wealth, and they become
so
desperate that they follow any illegal path to attain it.

To tackle this problem, the
first
and foremost step is strict law and order. Incorruptible law enforcement authorities could
help
in converting a
dangerous
zone into safer region.
For example
, the US has a crime-rate of
only
2% as compared to Somalia, whose crime-rate is 50% due to strict implementation of
rules
by the former.
Secondly
,
governments
should increase employment opportunities
so
that every individual could earn their living.
Thus
, the poor would not
be compelled
to do misdeeds to fulfil their minimum necessities.

In conclusion
, although the problem of
crime
is not insurmountable, I believe that it is the
government
's responsibility to solve these issues, and they should
begin
by considering
some of the
solutions proposed above.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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