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In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the governmental should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the governmental should spend more on health and education. v. 2
According to many people, investing money on the arts is a waste of money. They claim that the government’s expenditure should be used more for public services like hospital and school. This essay will discuss both sides and give reasons why I think health and education is more important to be financed than others. On the one hand, art is an essential section in human life. It helps people express feeling which language cannot provide. For instance, an artist can bring the moods of scenes into a painting, they can evoke our feelings of joy, happiness or even sadness. Another reason of sponsoring arts is it can spread the culture and lifestyle of a country. For example, Korea has been very successful in bringing their culture to the World which rely on their music and film. Therefore, not only arts promote culture among society, it also help country’s economic developments. On the other hand, I suppose that there are more important to spend a significant amount of the government budget on social health. First of all, a wealth country doesn't only depend on the growing of economics, but also on the quality of citizens life. In specific, if a child is cared for by a good education and well- developed health system, he will become a useful person in society. Secondly, allocating national funds to education and the health sector can certainly contribute to the technological improvements which arts can not accomplish. As an example, funding educational institutes for the poor can decrease the number of illiteracies or unemployments. To conclude, even though the arts are important for expressing different humanity's realities, a proper medical care system and quality literacy are core necessities for a country. Then, I believe that the state should invest more on well-being and schooling than on the arts.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, investing money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of money. They claim that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s expenditure should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more for public services like hospital and school. This essay will discuss both sides and give reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be financed
than others.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an essential section in human life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
express feeling which language cannot provide.
For instance
, an artist can bring the moods of scenes into a painting, they can evoke our feelings of joy, happiness or even sadness. Another reason of sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is it can spread the culture and lifestyle of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Korea has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful in bringing their culture to the World which rely on their music and film.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
promote culture among society, it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economic developments.

On the other hand
, I suppose that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend a significant amount of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on the growing of economics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the quality of citizens life. In specific, if a child
is cared
for by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and well- developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system, he will become a useful person in society.
Secondly
, allocating national funds to education and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector can
certainly
contribute to the technological improvements which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can not accomplish. As an example, funding educational institutes for the poor can decrease the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
illiteracies
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployments
.

To conclude
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for expressing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
humanity's realities, a proper medical care system and quality literacy are core necessities for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Then, I believe that the state should invest more on well-being and schooling than on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the governmental should spend more on health and education. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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