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Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity | v.1

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity | v. 1
Artists require the freedom of expression to some extent to develop innovative ideas. Some people argue that full freedom to express any opinion or ideas need to be given to artists. In my opinion, artists should be given enough freedom to express their ideas but total freedom is not required. Artists should have the liberty to express their views and original ideas without having to worry about the consequences. When they have the freedom to express, more and more people will turn to arts and this will enrich our culture and civilisation. Moreover, many artists highlight several social issues and they spread awareness among the masses. Many of them stand for social justice. After a rape case of an 8 year old girl in India, many people expressed their anger and emotions through songs and these songs became viral on social media. Thus it aroused feelings of many people and the authorities were forced to take immediate action against the criminals. However, the art works should not have any destructive impact on the society. There have been several incidences where artworks like paintings created tension and violence. For example M F Hussain’s paintings of nude Indian Goddesses created chaos among Hindu people. In addition to this, objectifying women in various art works may negatively influence children and teenagers. They may see women as mere objects of lust and fail to respect them. In other words, creating negative emotions through art increases the crime and violence in the society and can lead to many problems. To conclude, some amount of freedom is necessary for artists to thrive; however, total freedom can be a bad thing because it will encourage at least some artists to create artworks that have a negative impact on the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of expression to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent to develop innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
any opinion or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is not required.

Artists should have the liberty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
their views and original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
without having to worry about the consequences. When they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and this will enrich our culture and
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
highlight several social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
issues and
they spread awareness among the masses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them stand for social justice. After a rape case of an 8 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
girl in India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expressed their anger and emotions through songs and these songs became viral on social media.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it aroused feelings of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the authorities
were forced
to take immediate action against the criminals.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works should not have any destructive impact on the society. There have been several incidences where artworks like paintings created tension and violence.
For example
M F Hussain’s paintings of nude Indian Goddesses created chaos among Hindu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
to this, objectifying women in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works may
negatively
influence children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
women as mere objects of lust and fail to respect them.
In other words
, creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
increases the crime and violence in the society and can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to thrive;
however
, total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will encourage at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to create artworks that have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity | v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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