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In many countries, government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, other think that government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

In many countries, government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, other think that government should spend more on health and education. v. 1
One school of thought believes that governments should disburse capital on the artwork whilst other believes that it is more imperative to invest money on health institutes and educational centres. This essay will discuss both views in the forthcoming paragraphs along with my opinion in the conclusion. On one side, some people assert that spending money on the artwork by the administrations is quite beneficial. Because such investment for individuals who are professional in these skills will give them an opportunity to flourish their work; and they will earn name and fame for the country in exhibitions at national as well as international levels. Moreover, such financial support from government will encourage the youth to fulfil their dreams in this sector. A survey conducted by the National Statistics of India reveals that one million dollars had spent by the government of India to build the art schools. On the other side, some folks believe that governments should give priority to finance hospitals and educational institutes. As there is an exorbitant rise in the number of patients and health ailments nowadays, hospitals should be built to compensate them. Apart from this, education is an indispensable part of society that should be focused by the law enforcement agencies. By doing so, numerous children as well as adults who are not financially stable will get admission in the government funded institutes. To illustrate the above notions, in this pandemic of Covid-19 there is a huge requirement of hospitals and well educated people to encounter this scourge. In conclusion, although spending money by administrations on art and skills give a platform to youth to develop their work, creativity, well-being and superior education are the need of the hour. Hence, I opine that governments should priorities the health and education sector for investing money as compared to the arts.
One school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should disburse capital on the artwork whilst other believes that it is more imperative to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on health institutes and educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This essay will discuss both views in the forthcoming paragraphs along with my opinion in the conclusion.

On one side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the artwork by the administrations is quite beneficial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
such investment for individuals who are professional in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will give them an opportunity to flourish their work; and they will earn name and fame for the country in exhibitions at national
as well
as international levels.
Moreover
, such financial support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will encourage the youth to fulfil their dreams in this sector. A survey conducted by the National Statistics of India reveals that one million dollars had spent by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of India to build the art schools.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should give priority to finance hospitals and educational institutes. As there is an exorbitant rise in the number of patients and health ailments nowadays, hospitals should
be built
to compensate them. Apart from this, education is an indispensable part of society that should
be focused
by the law enforcement agencies. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, numerous children
as well
as adults who are not
financially
stable will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funded institutes. To illustrate the above notions, in this pandemic of Covid-19 there is a huge requirement of hospitals and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to encounter this scourge.

In conclusion
, although spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by administrations on art and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
give a platform to youth to develop their work, creativity, well-being and superior education are the need of the hour.
Hence
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should priorities the health and education sector for investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as compared to the arts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In many countries, government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, other think that government should spend more on health and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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