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In many countries, the elderly proportion of the population is increasing steadily. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society? v.1

In many countries, the elderly proportion of the population is increasing steadily. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society? v. 1
Everyone on this planet earth is unique and has peculiar talent. The rare thing is the courage to follow it and thrive through it. Few people believe that struggle and effort invested in children to make them better sportsman or musician, while others believe that the gift given by god outweigh it. I opine that learnt talent with interest will make a significant importance. It is well known fact that, if a person create a mindset to achieve specific goals and give full effort, no magic can stop him to get succeed. Similarly, if a child grew up in an environment where their parent involved him in certain sport and developed his interest in it, It is likely for that child to pursue it. Moreover, there are various methods available and applied by guardian to develop subconscious mind of a kid to divert and think about achieving success in it. In addition, personal interest makes a huge impact, it can lead to go into the depth of field. However, few people have skill from the birth. In fact, to rephrase the same thing, a talent to learn quickly in specific fields like music or sport. There can be certain reasons for that but major reason is the way they grew up or they have seen their relative or parent to pursue the same art and they know the path to adapt it quickly. Due to this, it makes sense for them to take the skill onto the next level and achieve more respect from the world. To put this in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, whether the latent is quick to learn or to adapt with struggle, self realisation and self interest to learn and follow a passion will always lead to enormous contribution into that field.
Everyone on this planet earth is unique and has peculiar talent. The rare thing is the courage to follow it and thrive through it. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that struggle and effort invested in children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them better sportsman or musician, while others believe that the gift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by god outweigh it. I opine that
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
talent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a significant importance.

It is well known fact that, if a person create a mindset to achieve specific goals and give full effort, no magic can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeed.
Similarly
, if a child grew up in an environment where their parent involved him in certain sport and developed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in it, It is likely for that child to pursue it.
Moreover
, there are various methods available and applied by guardian to develop subconscious mind of a kid to divert and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about achieving success in it.
In addition
, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a huge impact, it can lead to go into the depth of field.

However
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
from the birth. In fact, to rephrase the same thing, a talent to learn
quickly
in specific fields like music or sport. There can be certain reasons for that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
major reason is the way they grew
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up or
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
their relative or parent to pursue the same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
art and
they know the path to adapt it
quickly
. Due to this, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
sense for them to take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
onto the
next
level and achieve more respect from the world.

To put this in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, whether the latent is quick to learn or to adapt with struggle, self
Possible spelling mistake. 'realisation' is British English.
realisation
and self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
to learn and follow a passion will always lead to enormous contribution into that field.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay In many countries, the elderly proportion of the population is increasing steadily. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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