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The pie charts show the percentage of car ownership by make in three countries in 2015. Summarise the information by select and report the main features, and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The pie charts show the percentage of car ownership by make in three countries in 2015.
It is commonly believed that extreme sports should be strictly prohibited due to the huge number of risks involved. In this essay, I am going to demonstrate that risk factors are present in all sports before suggesting that people should have the right to play any sports they want. Advocates of banning certain sports may argue that their inherently dangerous nature may threaten lives. As extreme conditions are a prerequisite for these sports, risks like equipment failure render players more vulnerable than in other sports. For example, skydivers who freefall from enormous altitudes seem more prone to injuries or even death than players of ordinary sports. However, in reality, all physical activities carry a certain degree of risks, and it is difficult to judge which one is more hazardous than the other. For instance, acute pains like ankle sprains are prevalent in football or basketball as a result of intense practice drills and frequent matches, but it is unlikely that these sports will be banned given their popularity. Besides, people must undergo rigorous tests to ensure they are physically and mentally conditioned before participating in dangerous sports. Therefore, concerns over the safety of extreme athletes are quite irrelevant. I believe that people should have the autonomy to play any sports they want, regardless of their danger. This is because they can already decide for themselves whether to take part in a number of dangerous non-sport activities. For example, those who reach the legal drinking age are free to purchase alcohol, the excessive consumption of which may have fatal consequences. If personal freedom is championed with regard to things like alcohol, it is argued that it should be extended to sporting pursuits as well. Instead of an outright ban on extreme sports, I believe there are ways to mitigate the risks attached with them. Sports associations could impose an age limit for extreme athletes in order to ensure only people who are fully developed physically are allowed to participate. Another solution is to bar players from practicing or competing without the necessary protective gear. These measures would strike a happy medium without intruding people’s personal freedom. In conclusion, I believe people are entitled to play dangerous sports if they want, and certain restrictions in lieu of a ban would help ease the safety concerns.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be
strictly
prohibited due to the huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
involved. In this essay, I am going to demonstrate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
factors are present in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
suggesting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the right to play any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they want.

Advocates of banning certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may argue that their
inherently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
nature may threaten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
conditions are a prerequisite for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
like equipment failure render players more vulnerable than in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, skydivers who
Possible spelling mistake found.
freefall
from enormous altitudes seem more prone to injuries or even death than players of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
However
, in reality, all physical activities carry a certain degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, and it is difficult to judge which one is more hazardous than the other.
For instance
, acute pains like ankle sprains are prevalent in football or basketball
as a result
of intense practice drills and frequent matches,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is unlikely that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
be banned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their popularity.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
undergo rigorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
to ensure they are
physically
and mentally conditioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Therefore
, concerns over the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
athletes are quite irrelevant.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the autonomy to play any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they want, regardless of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can already decide for themselves whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
non-sport activities.
For example
, those who reach the legal drinking age are free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
alcohol, the excessive consumption of which may have fatal consequences. If personal freedom
is championed
with regard to things like alcohol, it
is argued
that it should
be extended
to sporting pursuits
as well
.
Instead
of an outright ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I believe there are ways to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
attached with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
associations could impose an age limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
athletes in order to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
fully
developed
physically
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to participate. Another solution is to bar players from practicing or competing without the necessary protective gear. These measures would strike a happy medium without intruding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personal freedom.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are entitled
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
if they want, and certain restrictions in lieu of a ban would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the safety concerns.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie charts show the percentage of car ownership by make in three countries in 2015.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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