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In many countries, the costs of living are rising. What are the effects on individuals and society? Suggest solutions to this problem. v.3

In many countries, the costs of living are rising. What are the effects on individuals and society? Suggest solutions to this problem. v. 3
Nowadays, when the living conditions in many countries has been increased, so as the costs of living. Although this trend is considered beneficial, it also has some effects on the human beings. To begin with, the rising of the living costs may be affordable to certain classes, but not to all society. As general knowledge, there are still several homeless and poor people in the society. It is not difficult to catch up with an homeless man who sleeps in the street of New York city every nights or various cases of disabilities wandering on the street of Vietnam begging for food or money. One of the major problems which contributes to such issue is because of the exuberant costs of living. Clearly, with the poor, meeting the expense of living is partially demanding, so if that cost rose, it would be troublesome for those people. Therefore, a new challenge will be risen as to solve such issue. However, there is a solution that can be applied for the problem. Instead of extending the living’s cost, government can enlarge the amount of fine when citizens violated the law including cases regarding safety issues while driving or robbery. By the virtue of that, the government’s fund will expand, and this can be used to function for the costs of living of the society without rising it nor require the inhabitants to pay for. In conclusion, rising the living costs may have brought particular influences to private individuals. Nonetheless, I deem that it is the government’s responsibility to deal with such difficulty by enacting a different law.
Nowadays, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has
been increased
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Although this trend
is considered
beneficial, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects on the human beings.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the rising of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
may be affordable to certain classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to all society. As general knowledge, there are
still
several homeless and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the society. It is not difficult to catch up with
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who sleeps in the street of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "night"?
nights
or various cases of disabilities wandering on the street of Vietnam begging for food or money. One of the major problems which contributes to such issue is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the exuberant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Clearly
, with the poor, meeting the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is
partially
demanding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
rose, it would be troublesome for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, a new challenge will
be risen
as to solve such issue.

However
, there is a solution that can
be applied
for the problem.
Instead
of extending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can enlarge the amount of fine when citizens violated the law including cases regarding safety issues while driving or robbery. By the virtue of that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s fund will expand, and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to function for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
of the society without rising it nor require the inhabitants to pay for.

In conclusion
, rising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
may have brought particular influences to private individuals. Nonetheless, I deem that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s responsibility to deal with such difficulty by enacting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
law.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the costs of living are rising. What are the effects on individuals and society? Suggest solutions to this problem. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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