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In many countries television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

In many countries television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. v. 3
In recent days television has a significant impact in peoples life. Most of the nation display diverse international shows. The superiority of introducing amusement is very destructive to the civilization of this state. Foreign adopted pleasure has brought many disadvantages in youths behaviours as well as in their habits. Therefore, I agree with this statement. First of all, nations delicacy and tradition is adversely affected by the exposure of the overseas programmed. In fact, programmes listen to rap music and they begin to dress up like hip hop artists. They are more attracted towards the western arts and fashions. Similarly, this could replace the local dress. For instance, Nepalese had been mesmerised by the Indian films and shows from 1990's. We are copying their dressing sense and with whatever they came up, we adopt their trend. In addition, we are forgetting our culture. Secondly, adults are more likely to adore foreign lifestyle because foreigner lives individually and with different perception than ours. So they try to imitate their lifestyle, such as drinking alcohol, going in a pub, taking drugs. They will begin to think for themselves, not for family members. For example, one of my friend's brother was greatly impressed by one tv presentation and he began to smoke. And gradually this became his habits and at a course of time he has begun to take drugs as well. Although there are many advantages of distant tv performance, but benefits has been overlapped by its drawbacks. To sum up, international manifest watch by people might be hazardous as well as beneficial in many ways. People should watch by filtering the good and the bad array. Thus, people should be more selective in order to preserve their tact.
In recent
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
television has a significant impact in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
life. Most of the nation display diverse international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. The superiority of introducing amusement is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
destructive to the civilization of this state. Foreign adopted pleasure has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages in youths
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
as well
as in their habits.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nations delicacy and tradition is
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the exposure of the overseas programmed. In fact,
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
listen to rap
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to dress up like hip hop artists. They are more attracted towards the western arts and fashions.
Similarly
, this could replace the local dress.
For instance
, Nepalese had been
Possible spelling mistake. 'mesmerised' is British English.
mesmerised
by the Indian films and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
from
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990's
. We are copying their dressing sense and with whatever they came up, we adopt their trend.
In addition
, we are forgetting our culture.

Secondly
, adults are more likely to adore foreign lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
foreigner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
individually
and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perception than ours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they try to imitate their lifestyle, such as drinking alcohol, going in a pub, taking drugs. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for themselves, not for family members.
For example
, one of my friend's brother was
greatly
impressed by one
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
presentation and
he began to smoke. And
gradually
this became his habits and at a course of time he has begun to take drugs
as well
. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of distant
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
benefits has
been overlapped
by its drawbacks.

To sum up, international manifest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be hazardous
as well
as beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
by filtering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
array.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more selective in order to preserve their tact.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In many countries television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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