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In many countries television shows many foreign -made programmes. The dominance to the imported entertainment is harmful to the culture of these countries. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

In many countries television shows many foreign -made programmes. The dominance to the imported entertainment is harmful to the culture of these countries. v. 1
In the era of globalisation Television media is the single most influential entity in the world and India has also been shipped shaped by it. Evidently, in my opinion international programmes have made a paradigm shift in the social culture in a propitious way due to various reasons. Firstly, Gender Equality. Albeit, supporters often argue that western programmes are detrimental to the traditional culture of countries on the contrary, in India these programmes enabled transformation in mindset of Indian citizens. Women career oriented shows like, “The bold Type” “Opera Winfrey show” has broadened the thinking pattern of the Indian society. This can be seen by the fact that in past females were not allowed to earn and their role was more of a house caretaker whereas, now they stand shoulder to shoulder with men in all walks of life. Secondly, Open Minded culture. India was conservative country as far as famine fashion style is concerned, women were not allowed to western clothes such as trouser, shirts, short dress, but with influence of international programmes native citizens understood the prominence of western clothes and have become modernised, which in return made them more acceptable to the world. There is proven research conducted by corporate world Magazine that 99% of Indian working women wear western formal wear than Indian Ethnic. Lastly, Change in Social relationship. The famous US series “friends” with highest TRP & the maximum viewer ship in India has major contribution in the evolution of social relationship pattern in India. This program has shown different natures of relationships. Previously, in India marriage was considered to be the only way to stay with your partner, whereas, in the recent years majority of Indians have considered “Live in” relationship to be more promising than getting marriage. To summarize, as there are two sides of the same coin, international programmes have that too. Television media dominance cannot be considered as threats until they make citizens distant from their cultural roots or become a threat to the nation. Nevertheless, if it does Government’s participation would be helpful so that they can eliminate the programmes which have negative effects on the citizen of the country.
In the era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
Television media is the single most influential entity in the world and India has
also
been shipped
shaped by it.
Evidently
, in my opinion international
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have made a paradigm shift in the social culture
Consider replacing "in a propitious way" with the adverb for "propitious"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a propitious way
due to various reasons.

Firstly
, Gender Equality. Albeit, supporters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that western
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are detrimental to the traditional culture of countries
on the contrary
, in India these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
enabled transformation in mindset of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. Women career oriented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
like, “The bold Type” “Opera Winfrey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
” has broadened the thinking pattern of the Indian society. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the fact that in past females were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to earn and their role was more of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
caretaker whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they stand shoulder to shoulder with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in all walks of life.

Secondly
, Open Minded culture. India was conservative country as far as famine fashion style
is concerned
, women were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to western clothes such as trouser, shirts, short dress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with influence of international
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
understood the prominence of western clothes and have become
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
, which in return made them more acceptable to the world. There
is proven
research conducted by corporate world Magazine that 99% of Indian working women wear western formal wear than Indian Ethnic.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
in Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
US series “friends” with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
TRP & the maximum viewer ship in India has major contribution in the evolution of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
pattern in India. This program has shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
natures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. Previously, in India marriage
was considered
to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to stay with your partner, whereas, in the recent
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "years'" or "year's"?
years
majority of Indians have considered “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
in”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
to be more promising than getting marriage.

To summarize
, as there are two sides of the same coin, international
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have that too. Television media dominance cannot
be considered
as threats until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
distant from their cultural roots or become a threat to the nation.
Nevertheless
, if it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
’s participation would be helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can eliminate the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
of the country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In many countries television shows many foreign -made programmes. The dominance to the imported entertainment is harmful to the culture of these countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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