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Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community, however, others prefer to give money to the national or international charities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community, however, others prefer to give money to the national or international charities. v. 1
Poverty now a days have become one of the topic which is being discussed everywhere. Either it is a small country or bright shiny Los Angeles, you can witness the poverty very easily. There are lots of charities and NGOs who are helping poor people around the world. They make them learn new skills so that they can get jobs for their living. On one side, there has been many efforts by individuals to eradicate the problem or at least reduce it. For example, I have seen one person in India who study poor children under a bridge. No doubt, helping like this requires no paperwork, no approvals from government officials, but it should be made official so that others can help you get more students. There has been some instances where people give money to poor on the streets and then those people end up drinking alcohol. They do not know hoe to manage their money. On the contrary, there are many nonprofit organizations which get funds globally and helps beating poverty. One of them is Khalsa Aid which is fearlessly have helped a lot in the past. They have helped in many countries like Somalia, Iraq, India and many more. This way of helping is much better where people give money to them every month to beat penury. It looks more centralized, furthermore, they have people working with them who handles paper work. In Conclusion, we should find a centralized way instead of decentralized manner to track the problems and find the path together to curb it and remove it globally, the way we did with polio which has been cured 99%. We should help organizations to take new initiatives to this problem can also be solved.
Poverty
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
have become one of the topic which is
being discussed
everywhere. Either it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
country or bright shiny Los Angeles, you can witness the poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
. There are lots of charities and NGOs who are helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs for their living.

On one side, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efforts by individuals to eradicate the problem or at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.
For example
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
one person in India who study poor children under a bridge. No doubt, helping like this requires no paperwork, no approvals from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should
be made
official
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that others can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more students. There has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give money to poor on the streets and then those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up drinking alcohol. They do not know hoe to manage their money.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nonprofit organizations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
funds globally and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to beat" or "beat".
beating
poverty. One of them is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khalsa
Aid which is
fearlessly
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
a lot in the past. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries like Somalia, Iraq, India and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. This way of helping is much better where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give money to them every month to beat penury. It looks more centralized,
furthermore
, they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working with them who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
handles
paper work.

In Conclusion
, we should find a centralized way
instead
of decentralized manner to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the problems and find the path together to curb it and remove it globally, the way we did with polio which has
been cured
99%. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
organizations to take new initiatives to this problem can
also
be solved
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community, however, others prefer to give money to the national or international charities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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