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Most people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you ageee? v.1

Most people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Nowadays, social networking sites have grown tremendously and has a determined value in our lives. Social applications like Facebook and Instagram have captured millions of users in a just few years. Therefore, it is important to know whether it is a negative impact or not in our community. I believe, that social media have brought several benefits in our life as well as disadvantages. First of all, social networking sites give individuals the chance to stay connected whenever they are. The last years, many students take the decision to study abroad and they can make free video callings with their beloved people no matter the distance. Moreover, individuals who run a business, social apps may be beneficial. They can advertise their business entirely for free. For example, my best friend John, opened recently a Chinese restaurant and he advertised his business to the community by using Facebook and now he earns great profits. On the other hand, these applications can influence individuals negatively. Many people and especially the young generation are becoming addicted by the use of social media. They tend to cut off from the society and they waste their free time that could have been utilized by more productive tasks and activities. This is a clear disadvantage. Furthermore, cyberbullying is another negative part of our topic. Since anyone can create a fake account more and more teenagers are becoming victims of violence. For instance, in my country a mass of people has been accused of violence through the social apps. This is a key issue that is required to be under consideration. In conclusion, it is clear event that social networking sites may be beneficial, but at the same time individuals can be affected very negatively. With proper education and by promoting awareness, I believe the disadvantages can be reduced significantly.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have grown
tremendously
and has a determined value in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
applications like Facebook and Instagram have captured millions of users in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few years.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know whether it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact or not in our community. I believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media have brought several benefits in our life
as well
as disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
the chance to stay connected whenever they are. The last years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students take the decision to study
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abroad and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
free video callings with their beloved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
no matter the distance.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who run a business,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps may be beneficial. They can advertise their business
entirely
for free.
For example
, my best friend John, opened recently a Chinese
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
restaurant and
he advertised his business to the community by using Facebook and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he earns great profits.

On the other hand
, these applications can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
negatively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
especially
the young generation are becoming addicted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media. They tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they waste their free time that could have
been utilized
by more productive tasks and activities. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
disadvantage.
Furthermore
, cyberbullying is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
part of our topic. Since anyone can create a fake account more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are becoming victims of violence.
For instance
, in my country a mass of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has
been accused
of violence through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps. This is a key issue that
is required
to be under consideration.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites may be beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
negatively
. With proper education and by promoting awareness, I believe the disadvantages can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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