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In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What's the situation like in your country? What do yout think are the advantages and disvanatges of doing part-time jobs? v.1

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What's the situation like in your country? What do yout think are the advantages and disvanatges of doing part-time jobs? v. 1
In several nations, adolescents are motivated to get part time employment. This essay will first, discuss the situation in my country India and further believe, that teenagers learn to manage their finances as the main advantage of working part time and the difficulty in balancing job duties and college studies as the main disadvantage. The situation in India is that young adults are not motivated by their parents to get employed in part-time jobs, instead after their school, they should get enrolled in colleges for their further studies. Indian society believes that teenagers working part-time along with their studies, will not only create a burden on them but will also hamper their higher education. Alternatively, young adults should first get their professional degrees from universities and then get employed for full-time with companies. In my opinion, the principal merit of temporary employment for juveniles is that they learn to control their financial expenses and manage money, which is the key to a successful future. This is to say, adolescents not only get the understanding of how to utilise their money effectively by avoiding unnecessary spending, but they also become capable of taking financial and investment decisions. As a result, they are able to save funds in order to meet the future uncertainties and needs. To exemplify, a recent study in The Times showed that more than 70 percent of teenagers mentioned that part-time jobs have helped them to take care of finances with more maturity. I believe that the main demerit of working in temporary jobs is that the youth is not able to manage their college studies and office work at the same time. In other words, teenagers feel their life is very hectic as after their part-time office work they do not have the energy and strength to study and complete their college projects. As a result, temporary employment has a negative effect on young adults academically, which will eventually affect their future. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of teenagers working as part-time employees are not able to perform academically well in their colleges. To conclude, young people are influence to work part-time in many countries, this, however, is not the circumstance in my country India. I think that the benefits of temporary employments is that teenagers learn to manage their money effectively and efficiently and the main drawback is that adolescents are not able to focus on their higher studies because of office pressure.
In several nations, adolescents
are motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
. This essay will
first
, discuss the situation in my country India and
further
believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their finances as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the difficulty in balancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
duties and college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
disadvantage.

The situation in India is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults are not motivated by their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
instead
after their school, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enrolled in colleges for their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Indian society believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create a burden on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
hamper their higher education.
Alternatively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their professional degrees from universities and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed for full-time with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In my opinion, the principal merit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
for juveniles is that they learn to control their financial expenses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
money, which is the key to a successful future. This is to say, adolescents not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the understanding of how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their money
effectively
by avoiding unnecessary spending,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
become capable of taking financial and investment decisions.
As a result
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to save funds in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the future uncertainties and needs. To exemplify, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
mentioned that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to take care of finances with more maturity.

I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
demerit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is that the youth is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and office work at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
feel their life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic as after their part-time office work they do not have the energy and strength to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and complete their college projects.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults
academically
, which will
eventually
affect their future. To exemplify, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by The New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as part-time employees are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to perform
academically
well in their colleges.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are influence to work part-time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, this,
however
, is not the circumstance in my country India. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employments
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their money
effectively
and
efficiently
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
drawback is that adolescents are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to focus on their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of office pressure.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What's the situation like in your country? What do yout think are the advantages and disvanatges of doing part-time jobs? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
418 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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