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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v.4

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 4
No one can deny that educators always try their best to provide their students the ideal education system in the world. From this point of view, If I were forced to choose, I would agree that universities should allocate money equally to pupils' sports activities. The reasons for which I believe that are students would adopt physical exercise as a daily life routine, improve their interpersonal skills, and foster their mental welfare. First and foremost, supporting athletic departments finically would help more students to stay in shape throughout their lives. For instance, I remember when I was a freshman, I used to visit the school gym, at least three times a week, and I loved to do that because the gym was fully equipped and constantly renovated. Even after graduation from school, I have continued practicing three times a week because exercising has become a daily ritual. In addition, dedicating monetary resources to promote more participation in sport activities would help students to refine their listening and speaking skills. For example, I remember during college, what sincerely encouraged me to speak out my mind was physical education classes. Yes, because during the class, my team and I used to spend half of the class exchanging ideas and trying to come up with plans to secure winning. Hence, after graduation, due to P. E classes, I have become more confident to communicate my opinions to others. Last but not least, investment in sports equally would aid students in boosting their mental welfare. To illustrate, I remember when I was in college, like any other student, I had a lot on my plate. I had daily assignments and projects with specific deadlines; as a result, at that time, what helped me to relive my pressure is practicing. Because when we practice, our bodies reduce stress hormones, which, in turn, will help us to channel our negative emotions into positive ones. Consequently, If I had never visited the gym, I would have never had an intact state of mind through my educational journey. In conclusion, I strongly agree that universities should fund sports endeavors equally as libraries for various reasons. Such reasons are teaching students to be physically fit and active, willing to listen to opposing ideas and unwinding.
No one can deny that educators always try their best to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the ideal education system in the world. From this point of view, If I
were forced
to choose, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that universities should allocate money
equally
to pupils'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities. The reasons for which I believe that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would adopt physical exercise as a daily life routine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and foster their mental welfare.

First
and foremost, supporting athletic departments
Possible spelling mistake found.
finically
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to stay in shape throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, I remember when I was a freshman, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to visit the school gym, at least three times a week, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to do that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the gym was
fully
equipped and
constantly
renovated. Even after graduation from school, I have continued practicing three times a week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
exercising has become a daily ritual.

In addition
, dedicating monetary resources to promote more participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to refine their listening and speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, I remember during college, what
sincerely
encouraged me to speak out my mind was physical education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. Yes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, my team and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend half of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
exchanging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with plans to secure winning.
Hence
, after graduation, due to P. E
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, I have become more confident to communicate my opinions to others.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equally
would aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in boosting their mental welfare. To illustrate, I remember when I was in college, like any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I had a lot on my plate. I had daily assignments and projects with specific deadlines;
as a result
, at that time, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to relive my pressure is practicing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when we practice, our bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
hormones, which, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to channel our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.
Consequently
, If I had never visited the gym, I would have never had an intact state of mind through my educational journey.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that universities should fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
endeavors
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
libraries for various reasons. Such reasons are teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be
physically
fit and active, willing to listen to opposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and unwinding.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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