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In many countries recently young people have been living far from their parents from the time they began studies or work until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v.2

In many countries recently young people have been living far from their parents from the time they began studies or work until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v. 2
It is incontrovertible fact that nowadays people leaving home at an early age it is common trend. The young people living far away from their parents when they started their education and worker or marriage. However, it has more merits rather than the demerits. I will discuss the cons and prone in my upcoming paragraphs. To embark with there are plethora of reasons why do the study and work far away from house has a lot of advantages. The first and foremost is when people started live alone for the study and work purpose it is increased the overall personality of the people. Because, a person learn, how to manage all the things in proper time. For example, he or she does the study as well as household chores and some other works. And, they gain the more knowledge because they experience the various situations which he or she does not experience in their house. They manage all their official and personal work alone without the help of their family and another people, and they become a self dependent people. To continue with my view points, where they are lived sometimes there are no better job and study opportunities so, people go out for the business and the education in further countries or cities. Because, there are full of opportunities for the job vacancies or the educational system is also very good. Moreover, when they started to living alone they face the many up and downs in life, when a person needs the loving and tender care of their family and dear ones. And they feel the isolation in life sometime it becomes a cause of depression. In this depression, sometime people join the bad company, and they started to do the petty crime and also became a drug addiction person. So, they do not concentration on their work and study, and they spoil their life. In conclusion, there are myriad of advantages to live alone as compared to the disadvantages. Because, people became confident, self dependent and self-esteem and their personality is also increased.
It is incontrovertible fact that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving home at an early age it is common trend. The young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living far away from their parents when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
their education and worker or marriage.
However
, it has more merits
rather
than the demerits. I will discuss the cons and prone in my upcoming paragraphs.

To embark with there are plethora of reasons why do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
far away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages. The
first
and foremost is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
purpose it
is increased
the
overall
personality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, a person learn, how to manage all the things in proper time.
For example
, he or she does the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as well
as household chores and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other works. And, they gain the more knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they experience the various situations which he or she does not experience in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. They manage all their official and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their family and another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and they become a self dependent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To continue with my view points, where they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are no better job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go out for the business and the education in
further
countries or cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there are full of opportunities for the job vacancies or the educational system is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Moreover
, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
to living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
they face the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
up and downs in life, when a person needs the loving and tender care of their family and dear ones. And they feel the isolation in life sometime it becomes a cause of depression. In this depression, sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
to do the petty crime and
also
became a drug addiction person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do not concentration on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, and they spoil their life.

In conclusion
, there are myriad of advantages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
as compared to the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became confident, self dependent and self-esteem and their personality is
also
increased.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries recently young people have been living far from their parents from the time they began studies or work until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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