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In many countries recently young people have been living far from their parents from the time they began studies or work until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v.1

In many countries recently young people have been living far from their parents from the time they began studies or work until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
Many of the office goers would consider the workplace as their second home, since they spend most of the time here, second to their living space. The way the workplace is designed plays a very important role as it may boost or undermine the morale of its employees. Workplaces must be carefully designed to meet the needs of its employees, nevertheless, I consider an open style office to be more effective than a traditional cabin or cubicle work place. For many, workstation act as a switch which mentally prepares them to start working, similar to a bed which makes people sleepy when they lay down over it. Hence a proper design is a must. The traditional cubicle or enclosed style workstations, firstly, provide sufficient space to work and secondly, provide some privacy which helps many to effectively concentrate on their work. Such layouts are effective in engineering consultancy, where an engineer needs to stay focus on his work. In spite of these benefits, the traditional design may appear dull and even have a negative impact on its employees moral. On the other hand, many have opted to design their work spaces with little or no walls, thus making the office appear bigger and giving it a modern look. Unlike the traditional layout, it serves as a great place for co-workers to have group discussions, as there is nothing separating them from each other and with some good interior works, can actually help boost their creativeness. As many architects have agreed to incorporate certain colours, patterns and arrangement style which helps the occupants to be more productive in their work. To summarise, the layout of any office, largely depends on its purpose; cubicle style offices are better suited for work which requires steady focus by the performer. However, the advantages such as increased productivity, creativity and ease of having a group discussion makes the modern open style offices much more effective than the enclosed workstation offices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
goers would consider the workplace as their second home, since they spend most of the time here, second to their living space. The way the workplace
is designed
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role as it may boost or undermine the morale of its employees. Workplaces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
carefully
designed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of its employees,
nevertheless
, I consider an open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
to be more effective than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
cabin or cubicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, workstation act as a switch which mentally prepares them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working, similar to a bed which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sleepy when they lay down over it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
a proper design is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
cubicle or enclosed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
workstations,
firstly
, provide sufficient space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
secondly
, provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
privacy which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
effectively
concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Such layouts are effective in engineering consultancy, where an engineer needs to stay focus on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these benefits, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
design may appear dull and even have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on its employees moral.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have opted to design their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
spaces with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no walls,
thus
making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
appear bigger and giving it a modern look. Unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
layout, it serves as a great place for co-workers to have group discussions, as there is nothing separating them from each other and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interior works, can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost their creativeness. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
architects have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to incorporate certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, patterns and arrangement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the occupants to be more productive in their work.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the layout of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
,
largely
depends on its purpose; cubicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
are better suited for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which requires steady focus by the performer.
However
, the advantages such as increased productivity, creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of having a group discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the modern open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
much more effective than the enclosed workstation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries recently young people have been living far from their parents from the time they began studies or work until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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