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In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. v.1

In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. v. 1
The unhealthy lifestyle leads the number of sub-healthy population is rising continuously. In my opinion, the unhealthy diet and the lack of physical exercise are the two of reasons to lead this phenomenon and how to solve this problem is a heated topic. The fast-pace and high stress modern life is often made people neglect the importance of a balanced diet. People usually pay more attention to their career and wealth accumulation, hence the fast food is becoming the main dishes on their daily menu. For example, the junk foods like pizza, burger and fries, which have too much fat and sugar and a little vegetable, therefore lots of people have conditions like overweight or diabetes. According to the similar reason, many choose to drink alcohol to release their pressures, but this could harm to their liver. On the other hand, a long time seating is destroying their bodies slowly, because it causes the limited physical training which is not only makes people fatter, but also damages their backbone. Consequently, people have to recognise their existing behaviours are unacceptable firstly. Then they should act to adjust their wrong habits. For instance, they might eat healthy food to replace the high-fat and high-sweet foods. Moreover, physical practises are necessary so that arrange a timetable of fitness or do some simple exercises at short break during the office hours, that are not only benefit them physically, but also can reduce their depression. In conclusion, people need to attach importance to balance their business and health. In consequence, eating healthily and doing more sports are the easiest and most direct ways keep them healthy and happy.
The unhealthy lifestyle leads the number of sub-healthy population is rising
continuously
. In my opinion, the unhealthy diet and the lack of physical exercise are the two of reasons to lead this phenomenon and how to solve this problem is a heated topic.

The
fast
-pace and high
stress
modern life is
often
made
people
neglect the importance of a balanced diet.
People
usually
pay more attention to their career and wealth accumulation,
hence
the
fast
food
is becoming the main dishes on their daily menu.
For example
, the junk
foods
like pizza, burger and fries, which have too much
fat
and sugar and a
little
vegetable,
therefore
lots of
people
have conditions like overweight or diabetes. According to the similar reason,
many
choose to drink alcohol to release their pressures,
but
this could harm to their liver.
On the other hand
, a long time seating is destroying their bodies
slowly
,
because
it causes the limited physical training which is not
only
makes
people
fatter,
but
also
damages their backbone.

Consequently
,
people
have to
recognise
their existing
behaviours
are unacceptable
firstly
. Then they should act to adjust their
wrong
habits.
For instance
, they might eat healthy
food
to replace the high-
fat
and high-sweet
foods
.
Moreover
, physical
practises
are necessary
so
that arrange a timetable of fitness or do
some
simple exercises at short break during the office hours, that are not
only
benefit them
physically
,
but
also
can
reduce
their depression.

In conclusion
,
people
need to attach importance to balance their business and health. In consequence, eating
healthily
and doing more sports are the easiest and most direct ways
keep
them healthy and happy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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