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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.1

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 1
Some would argue that due to the adaptation of an unhealthy lifestyle, the health and fitness levels of people are declining at a staggering rate. In my opinion, I believe that lack of physical activity and fast food addiction are the most viable reasons; however, this problem can be solved by cultivating awareness on the importance of a healthy lifestyle. To embark with, the prevalent cause of health problems is a desk-bound lifestyle. Because many people are doing odd jobs along with full-time jobs so they became lazy and physically inactive. Many people spend their whole day sitting in front of laptops and computers. This lack of physical exercise leads to many health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, and bone diseases. Secondly, nowadays, people are addicted to readymade meals due to their unique taste. Being aware of health repercussions, people are unable to stop consuming fast food because of their irresistible taste. Therefore, due to the continuous consumption of high-calorie diet, people suffer from obesity and many cardiovascular ailments. For example, health practitioners have revealed that the oil used for making fast food causes blockage of the arteries which reduces the blood supply to the heart, and causes death. Nevertheless, the primary solution to overcome this concern is to create public awareness. The government should lodge a campaign on the national level on media, schools, and workplaces to educate people about the possible dangers of bad routine. Therefore, guide books and brochures should be distributed among people containing necessary information, it will increase the knowledge of people and they will learn the advantages of a healthy lifestyle. For instance, a similar initiative has been taken in Germany where the mortality rate was more as compared to other developing countries, due to this initiative it results in a healthier nation. To conclude, the reasons for burgeoning health problems in nations are scarcity of exercise, and eating fattening food; however, these issues can be addressed by educating nations by highlighting the importance of a healthier lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the adaptation of an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are declining at a staggering rate. In my opinion, I believe that lack of physical activity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
addiction are the most viable reasons;
however
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be solved
by cultivating awareness on the importance of a healthy lifestyle.

To embark with, the prevalent cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is a desk-bound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing odd jobs along with full-time jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they became lazy and
physically
inactive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their whole day sitting in front of laptops and computers. This lack of physical exercise leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as heart disease, diabetes, and bone diseases.
Secondly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymade
meals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their unique taste. Being aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
repercussions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their irresistible taste.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the continuous consumption of high-calorie diet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from obesity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cardiovascular ailments.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
practitioners have revealed that the oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
causes blockage of the arteries which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the blood supply to the heart, and causes death.

Nevertheless
, the primary solution to overcome this concern is to create public awareness. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should lodge a campaign on the national level on media, schools, and workplaces to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
routine.
Therefore
, guide books and brochures should
be distributed
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
containing necessary information, it will increase the knowledge of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they will learn the advantages of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
For instance
, a similar initiative has
been taken
in Germany where the mortality rate was more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this initiative it results in a healthier nation.

To conclude
, the reasons for burgeoning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in nations are scarcity of exercise, and eating fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
;
however
, these issues can
be addressed
by educating nations by highlighting the importance of a healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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