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In many Countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.5

In many Countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 5
Nowadays, the rate at which people develop health related problems is becoming alarming. However, some people have suggested that, this is due to the unhealthy lifestyle practices engaged in by many people. This essay will discuss the factors responsible for this, namely; busy work schedules and lack of proper health awareness. In addition, this essay will address the possible solutions to this menace. The factors responsible for the rise in health problems in our modern day society are multi-factorial. To begin, the major cause of health issues is the busy work schedules of today. More and more people are engaged with time consuming work, hence, they have little or no time to partake in healthy lifestyle practices such as exercise. For instance, a study has recently discovered that, a major cause of obesity is related to sedentary lifestyles. Another example is unhealthy eating habits such as taking fast foods, which has been associated with the occurrence of heart diseases. Thus, a busy lifestyle promotes unhealthy living which is detrimental to the overall health and well-being of an individual. In order to address the problems stated above, I believe public health awareness will play an active role. Furthermore, the department of health should sensitise the society about the benefits of healthy living, as well as the detrimental effects of unhealthy lifestyles. This will make the public more oriented towards maintaining a positive work-life balance. To conclude, this essay has discussed how busy lifestyles and lack of proper health awareness contribute to the rise in health problems. The government should invest heavily in programs geared at healthy living.
Nowadays, the rate at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is becoming alarming.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have suggested that, this is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
practices engaged in by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss the factors responsible for this,
namely
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
work schedules and lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness.
In addition
, this essay will address the possible solutions to this menace.

The factors responsible for the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in our modern day society are multi-factorial. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the major cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
work schedules of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are engaged
with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
work,
hence
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no time to partake in healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
practices such as exercise.
For instance
, a study has recently discovered that, a major cause of obesity
is related
to sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. Another example is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
eating habits such as taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods, which has
been associated
with the occurrence of heart diseases.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
living which is detrimental to the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being of an individual.

In order to address the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
stated above, I believe public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness will play an active role.
Furthermore
, the department of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'sensitise' is British English.
sensitise
the society about the benefits of healthy living,
as well
as the detrimental effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the public more oriented towards maintaining a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
work-life balance.

To conclude
, this essay has discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness contribute to the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest
heavily
in programs geared at healthy living.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many Countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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