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Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. v. 1
IN AS MUCH AS SOME INDIVIDUALS BELIEVE THAT ANCIENT BUILDING HAS TAKEN UP ALOT OF FUNDING FOR THEIR MAINTENANACE AND SHOULD BE BROUGHT DOWN TO ALLOW NEW PROJECTS, I AM OF THE OPINION THAT ANCIENT BUILDING IS A LARGE PART OF OUR LIVES AND SHOULD BE PRESERVED AT ALL COST FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS. EVERY BUILDING HAS A STORY, ESPECIALLY OLD BUILDINGS WHICH IS KNOWN TO BE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF A PLACES HISTORY. IN MOST INSTITUTIONS, COMPULSORY EXCURSIONS ARE ARRANGED. WHEREBY, A GROUP OF STUDENTS ARE SHOWN AROUND THIS STRUCTURES TAKING INTO ACCOUNT ITS SYMBOLISM LIKE STATUES AND STORIES ALONGSIDE WHICH GIVES IT, ITS UNIQUENESS. ANOTHER POINT TO CONSIDER IS THAT IT SERVES AS A GOOD MEANS OF GENERATING REVENUE, IN THE SENSE THAT WHEN A CITY IS ENDOWED WITH BEAUTIFUL ARTIFACTS FROM THE PAST IT ATTRACTS ALOT OF FOREIGNERS AND ULTIMATELY, SERVES AS A FORM OF TOURIST ATTRACTION TO MANY, ELEVATING THE PLACE IN RICHES AND FAME, BECAUSE THE MORE PEOPLE HEAR ABOUT IT THE MORE THE VISIT AND THE MORE DEVELOPED IT BECOMES. ADDITIONALLY, OLDER CHURCHES DATING BACK TO THE 80'S AND ABOVE ARE KNOWN TO BE VERY POWERFUL HOMES THAT TEND TO SPIRITUAL NEEDS LIKEWISE MOSQUES. FOR INSTANCE, IN EGYPT THE FAMOUS WALL OF SPYNX IS KNOWN WORLDWIDE TO BE THE LEPERS MEDICINE, PEOPLE ARE KNOWN TO BE COMPLETELY RESCUCITATED JUST BY PLACING THEIR HANDS ON THE WALL. FURTHERMORE, THIS PLACES THAT ARE WELL SOUGHT AFTER ARE POPULAR LANDMARKS THAT CAN HELP A VISITOR TO GET AROUND TOWN EASILY. IN CONCLUSION, CONSERVATION OF INFRASTRUCTURES IS PARAMOUNT BECAUSE HISTORY MAKES A PLACE SPECIAL AND MORE FAMOUS, GENERATES REVENUES BY ATTRACTING FOREIGNERS AND SERVES AS AN EDUCATIONAL PLATFORM FOR STUDENTS.
IN AS MUCH AS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
INDIVIDUALS BELIEVE THAT ANCIENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BUILDING
HAS TAKEN UP
Possible spelling mistake found.
ALOT
OF FUNDING FOR THEIR
Possible spelling mistake found.
MAINTENANACE
AND SHOULD
BE BROUGHT
DOWN TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOW
NEW PROJECTS, I AM OF THE OPINION THAT ANCIENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BUILDING
IS A LARGE PART OF OUR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
AND SHOULD
BE PRESERVED
AT ALL COST FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS.

EVERY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BUILDING
HAS A STORY,
ESPECIALLY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BUILDINGS
WHICH IS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOWN
TO BE ONE OF THE MOST
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
PARTS OF A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PLACES
HISTORY. IN MOST INSTITUTIONS, COMPULSORY EXCURSIONS
ARE ARRANGED
.

WHEREBY, A GROUP OF STUDENTS
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'ARE' is not always incorrect.)
ARE
SHOWN AROUND THIS STRUCTURES TAKING INTO ACCOUNT ITS SYMBOLISM LIKE STATUES AND STORIES ALONGSIDE WHICH GIVES IT, ITS UNIQUENESS.

ANOTHER POINT TO CONSIDER IS THAT IT SERVES AS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
MEANS OF GENERATING REVENUE, IN THE SENSE THAT WHEN A CITY
IS ENDOWED
WITH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEAUTIFUL
ARTIFACTS FROM THE PAST IT ATTRACTS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ALOT
OF FOREIGNERS AND
ULTIMATELY
, SERVES AS A FORM OF TOURIST ATTRACTION TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
, ELEVATING THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PLACE
IN RICHES AND FAME,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THE MORE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
HEAR ABOUT IT THE MORE THE VISIT AND THE MORE DEVELOPED IT BECOMES.

ADDITIONALLY
, OLDER CHURCHES DATING BACK TO THE
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80S".
80'S
AND ABOVE ARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOWN
TO BE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
POWERFUL HOMES THAT TEND TO SPIRITUAL NEEDS
LIKEWISE
MOSQUES.

FOR INSTANCE
, IN EGYPT THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAMOUS
WALL OF
Possible spelling mistake found.
SPYNX
IS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOWN
WORLDWIDE TO BE THE LEPERS MEDICINE,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOWN
TO BE COMPLETELY
Possible spelling mistake found.
RESCUCITATED
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
BY PLACING THEIR HANDS ON THE WALL.

FURTHERMORE
, THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PLACES
THAT ARE WELL SOUGHT AFTER ARE POPULAR LANDMARKS THAT CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
A VISITOR TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
AROUND TOWN
EASILY
.

IN CONCLUSION
, CONSERVATION OF INFRASTRUCTURES IS PARAMOUNT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
HISTORY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PLACE
SPECIAL AND MORE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAMOUS
, GENERATES REVENUES BY ATTRACTING FOREIGNERS AND SERVES AS AN EDUCATIONAL PLATFORM FOR STUDENTS.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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