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Governments give lots of supports to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Governments give lots of supports to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. v. 1
People are divided on the issue of government's funding to artists. Some people opine that the state is providing remarkable support to the arts related community, however, others belive that the taxpayers money should be diverted to other important aspects such as education and employment. In my opinion, governments should focus on providing eductaion and jobs to more people. On the one hand, the proponents of arts cite that, it is the duty of goverment to lend a helping hand to the artistic community. That is to say, cretaive people tend to form the essence of a rich cultural diversity. They tend to depict their ideology through work which gives a chance to praise their work. The long term impact of this is, more and more people tend to get familiarize with culture backgrounds of different community. Moreover, it has been widely observed that such subjects could act as a stress-buster for individuals which helps them to relief their stress by getting a chance to see the work of art. To illustrate, every month, the London art gallery tends to provide numerous pieces of paintings and sculptures which is surely fascinating to gaze. Therefore, if the governements could provide money then such events could be organized more often than ever. On the other hand, the opponents of arts hold the view that the taxpayers money should not be wasted on creative work. Infact, majority of the people are being deprived from the basic amenities of life such as lack of education and lack of jobs. Therefore, the money collected from the ordinary people should be utilized judiciously to plummet such issues of society. Personally, I believe it is important for the higher authorities to address the issue of illetracy and unemployment as it would help to promote the society rather than promoting arts. To conclude, it is imperative for governments to utilize money in order to promote jobs and eliminate uneducation, instead of soaring its resources on arts. Action must be taken otherwise there would be longterm distressful impact.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are divided
on the issue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's funding to artists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that the state is providing remarkable support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
related community,
however
, others
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "taxpayers'" or "taxpayer's"?
taxpayers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be diverted
to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects such as education and employment. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should focus on providing
Possible spelling mistake found.
eductaion
and jobs to more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, the proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
cite that, it is the duty of
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
to lend a helping hand to the artistic community.
That is
to say,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cretaive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to form the essence of a rich cultural diversity. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to depict their ideology through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which gives a chance to praise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The long term impact of this is, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiarize with culture backgrounds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
community.
Moreover
, it has been
widely
observed that such subjects could act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-buster for individuals which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to relief their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by getting a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. To illustrate, every month, the London
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tends
to provide numerous pieces of paintings and sculptures which is
surely
fascinating to gaze.
Therefore
, if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
governements
could provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
could
be organized
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than ever.

On the other hand
, the opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
hold the view that the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "taxpayers'" or "taxpayer's"?
taxpayers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not
be wasted
on creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infact
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
the basic amenities of life such as lack of education and lack of jobs.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
collected from the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be utilized
judiciously
to plummet such issues of society.
Personally
, I believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the higher authorities to address the issue of
Possible spelling mistake found.
illetracy
and unemployment as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote the society
rather
than promoting arts.

To conclude
, it is imperative for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to promote jobs and eliminate
Possible spelling mistake found.
uneducation
,
instead
of soaring its resources on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
otherwise
there would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
longterm
distressful impact.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Governments give lots of supports to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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