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In many countries, people have health issues because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reason for this and how can it be solved v.1

In many countries, people have health issues because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reason for this and how can it be solved v. 1
In several parts of the world, individuals are deprived of sound physical fitness due to their attitude of living a delibitated way of life. To begin with, a person's wellbeing is a function of his everyday activities. For example, depending on pre-prepared meals from a fast food restaurant will predispose a person to various health conditions, as this food contains very high content of cholesterol and sugar levels which are detrimental to our body systems, giving rise to serious ailing situations, such as, hypertensive heart diseases and diabetes, to mention a few. Furthermore, consumption of alcohol and smoking of cigarettes, as fun as it may be, is another channel to an unsound living, which is not uncommon amongst the men, especially, the youth. For example, the health journal in 2015 in the United kingdom reveals that 98% of people detected to be diagnosed with lung cancer are the ones who smoke cigarettes, even though, there are others with the ailment, who never had any affiliations with smoking, also, drinking alcohol heavily as shown it resulting to liver cirrhosis, which will eventually lead to death. Similarly, if there is involvement with multiple sexual partner and having unprotected sexual intercourse, can lead to incurable viral diseases like HIV and hepatitis B. Hence, to conclude on this, there should be a policy and or a regulatory body that cautions and give awareness on the benefits of living a healthy life with respect to the outcome of involving in an unhealthy way of living.
In several parts of the world, individuals
are deprived
of sound physical fitness due to their attitude of
living
a
delibitated
way of life.

To
begin
with, a person's
wellbeing
is a function of his everyday activities.
For example
, depending on
pre-prepared
meals from a
fast
food restaurant will predispose a person to various health conditions, as this food contains
very
high content of cholesterol and sugar levels which are detrimental to our body systems, giving rise to serious ailing situations, such as, hypertensive heart diseases and diabetes, to mention a few.
Furthermore
, consumption of alcohol and smoking of cigarettes, as fun as it may be, is another channel to an unsound
living
, which is not uncommon amongst the
men
,
especially
, the youth.
For example
, the health journal in 2015 in the
United kingdom
reveals that 98% of
people
detected to
be diagnosed
with lung cancer are the ones who smoke cigarettes,
even though
, there are others with the ailment, who never had any affiliations with smoking,
also
, drinking alcohol
heavily
as shown it resulting to liver cirrhosis, which will
eventually
lead to death.

Similarly
, if there is involvement with multiple sexual partner and having unprotected sexual intercourse, can lead to incurable viral diseases like HIV and hepatitis B.

Hence
,
to conclude
on this, there should be a policy and or a regulatory body that cautions and give awareness on the benefits of
living
a healthy life with respect to the outcome of involving
in an unhealthy way
of
living
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health issues because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reason for this and how can it be solved v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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