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In many countries, people buy clothes and choose hair styles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

In many countries, people buy clothes and choose hair styles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, most people from all around the world tend to follow latest trends in fashion including the different dresses and hair styles. There are certain factors involves with regards to this phenomenon, which will be discussed in this essay will the negative impacts of this. To begin with, there are several reasons for the people to get addicted to the new trendy stuff. One of them is the promotions, in other words adverts that are continuously sent by the producers of these clothes and hair care iteams. We are forced to follow them by those advertisements. For example, if we intend to by some dress, normaly we search a suitable product in the internet. Then, we come across various types of fashonable dresses and subconsciously need to by one of them and this force us actually buy that trendy dresses which is expensive. Moreover, most of the time than not these adverts are promoted by famous charactors in the society such as actors and sport starts. Hence, some people follow those fashions just beacuse their favourite star has promoted it. Looking at the drawbacks of this development, the young generation is the most affeted by this because they are the ones who obsessively concern with the outside appearece of thiers. However, this trend has been wasting a considerable amount of young people's hard earining. Another alarming aspect of this situation is the time waste, most people prefer to spend a large portion of their time to search about lateat fashions. In addition, some used to make the shopping as their primary hobby. Not only that, a large number of people today frequently visit the saloons to get their hair done. The time they have allocated of these meaninless activities can be used for many other productive works. In conclusion, due to promotion by advertisements and start charactors most people select to follow variety of dressing and hair styles. However, mostly youngsters have lost their money and precious time because of being blind followers of these trends.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trends in fashion including the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hair
styles. There are certain factors involves
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
this phenomenon, which will
be discussed
in this essay will the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of this.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to the new trendy stuff. One of them is the promotions,
in other words
adverts that are
continuously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
by the producers of these clothes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hair
care
Possible spelling mistake found.
iteams
. We
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them by those advertisements.
For example
, if we intend to by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
normaly
we search a suitable product
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
. Then, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across various types of
Possible spelling mistake found.
fashonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
and
subconsciously
need to
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
one of them and this force us actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
which is expensive.
Moreover
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than not these adverts
are promoted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
charactors
in the society such as actors and sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
those fashions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
star has promoted it.

Looking at the drawbacks of this development, the young generation is the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
affeted
by this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the ones who
obsessively
concern with the outside
Possible spelling mistake found.
appearece
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
thiers
.
However
, this trend has been wasting a considerable amount of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
Possible spelling mistake found.
earining
. Another alarming aspect of this situation is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
waste, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to spend a large portion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to search about
Possible spelling mistake found.
lateat
fashions.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the shopping as their primary hobby. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
frequently
visit the saloons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hair
done. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have allocated of these
Possible spelling mistake found.
meaninless
activities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other productive works.

In conclusion
, due to promotion by advertisements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
Possible spelling mistake found.
charactors
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
select to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
variety of dressing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hair
styles.
However
,
mostly
youngsters have lost their money and precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being blind followers of these trends.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In many countries, people buy clothes and choose hair styles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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