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in many countries people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. why do you think that is? what problems can this cause? v.3

in many countries people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. why do you think that is? what problems can this cause? v. 3
Nowadays, many rural areas around the world are being left empty, since an ever-growing number of people are choosing to move towards urban areas. The depopulation that affects the provinces and its consequences are a common topic. What are the top reasons which lead masses to leave the countryside? I think that, mainly, people are seeking for better living conditions. If there would not be concrete benefits, one would not easily change the place of living. Though rural areas can offer clean air and lots of natural space, the abundance of services and infrastructures which is typical for big cities is more important to most people. For instance, access to higher education, efficient transport and healthcare system are tangible benefits of living in an urban area. Furthermore, urban areas, especially if the size of metropolises and capitals, attract market-leading businesses. Big corporations often choose them as the base for their headquarters, because they are a strategic and convenient location. For example, this creates hundreds of employment possibilities which could be only dreamed of in the country, where the economy is mostly run by family businesses or local enterprises. While its root causes are clearly understandable, this migration process has less obvious consequences. The principal problem is overpopulation. When the immigration flow takes place in a short time, cities may not be ready to receive the new inhabitants without lowering the quality of life. Since cities hadn’t had the time to expand properly, newcomers are often forced to live in degraded neighbourhoods. This ultimately leads to social discrepancies and raise criminality. In conclusion, the social phenomenon of people leaving the rural areas is a major issue for the modern society. On one hand, civilians aim to improve their conditions by moving to the cities, but on the other hand, they risk facing the consequences of overpopulation.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
around the world are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
empty, since an ever-growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. The depopulation that affects the provinces and its consequences are a common topic.

What are the top reasons which lead masses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the countryside?

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
mainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are seeking for better living conditions. If there would not be concrete benefits, one would not
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the place of living. Though rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can offer clean air and lots of natural space, the abundance of services and infrastructures which is typical for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, access to higher education, efficient transport and healthcare system are tangible benefits of living in an urban area.

Furthermore
, urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
especially
if the size of metropolises and capitals, attract market-leading businesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
corporations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose them as the base for their headquarters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are a strategic and convenient location.
For example
, this creates hundreds of employment possibilities which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dreamed of in the country, where the economy is
mostly
run by family businesses or local enterprises.

While its root causes are
clearly
understandable, this migration process has less obvious consequences. The principal problem is overpopulation. When the immigration flow takes place in a short time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may not be ready to receive the new inhabitants without lowering the quality of life. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
hadn’t had the time to expand
properly
, newcomers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in degraded
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
. This
ultimately
leads to social discrepancies and raise criminality.

In conclusion
, the social phenomenon of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is a major issue for the modern society. On one hand, civilians aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their conditions by moving to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
facing the consequences of overpopulation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay in many countries people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. why do you think that is? what problems can this cause? v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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