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In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause? v.4

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause? v. 4
In this competitive world, people are migrating from villages to cities for seeking the opportunities and for improving their lifestyle. However, it is good, but people forget the importance of rural area. In my opinion, it is good but there should be a proper balance in these areas. And also, what kind of problems many countries face because of people moving into urban areas. Firstly, due to moving into the city's population of that city increases, which may lead to major concern. Such as, increasing the environmental pollution as people coming into cities by their vehicles. For example, in India about 75% of the public living in cities have their personal vehicles which are huge in numbers and is the important factor when it comes to the pollution. Secondly, people shifting into cities need proper accommodation because of this much land has been converted into a humongous building. According to a survey conducted, in many cities approx. 2% of land is remaining, whereas about 98% of land has been used. Hence, there are problems occurring cities area, but there is a large impact on the village area. On the other hand, in seeking of opportunity people are not aware how important the rural area are as more people are trying to go into cities. Because of this, countries are facing issues regarding food, water, etc. For instance, if all the country population will move into the urban area then there will be no farms which will lead us to no food to eat. So to avoid this kind of problems government should encourage people to stay in rural areas. In addition, authorities should provide same facilities in rural areas which they provide in urban areas. Lastly, moving into different area is not an issue, until there is balance between these two areas. Thus, people and government should work together and develop the rural area, so that, there should no need for people to move into the urban area.
In this competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating from villages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for seeking the opportunities and for improving their lifestyle.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be a proper balance in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. And
also
, what kind of problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas.

Firstly
, due to moving into the city's population of that city increases, which may lead to major concern. Such as, increasing the environmental pollution as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
by their vehicles.
For example
, in India about 75% of the public living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have their personal vehicles which are huge in numbers and is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the pollution.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shifting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
need proper accommodation
because of this
much land has
been converted
into a humongous building. According to a survey conducted, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
approx. 2% of land is remaining, whereas about 98% of land has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Hence
, there are problems occurring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a large impact on the village area.

On the other hand
, in seeking of opportunity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
are as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to go into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Because of this
, countries are facing issues regarding food, water, etc.
For instance
, if all the country population will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
then there will be no farms which will lead us to no food to eat.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to avoid this kind of problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
In addition
, authorities should provide same facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which they provide in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas.

Lastly
, moving into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is not an issue, until there is balance between these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should work together and develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, there should no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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