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In many countries people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. why do you think that is? What problem can this cause? v.2

In many countries people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. why do you think that is? What problem can this cause? v. 2
Every year, thousands of people leave their countryside houses to settle in urban centres either within the country or across borders. Some people take it step with the intention of improving their lifestyle, whereas, others seek journey when they suffer from a natural or man-made disaster. There are various reasons for the occurrence of rural-urban transfer and the problems associated with it. Most of the people who live in the pastoral areas are self-employed in agriculture and farming. With changing climatic conditions, agricultural productivity and farmer’s financial security are greatly affected. The city life, not only provides countryside people with better job opportunities, but with superior educational facilities thereby compelling people migrate towards conurbation. Though rural-urban flight can prove to be advantageous from an individual’s perspective, there are some drawbacks that society has to deal with. With an increased rate of movement taking place, there are negative effects on the agricultural industry of a country because the rural development does not materialize. Having a large population in the cities leads to pressure on the natural resources and the services (health and education) of urban areas. Most importantly, due to the high illiteracy rate in rural areas, people are not suitable for better quality jobs and they end up living in slum areas. To sum up, rural-urban transfer is increasing at an alarming rate. I think the government should take action like providing better employment and services in rural areas so that the countrymen do not feel the need to continuously drift to urban centres.
Every year, thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their countryside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to settle in urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
either within the country or across borders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take it step with the intention of improving their lifestyle, whereas, others seek journey when they suffer from a natural or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made disaster. There are various reasons for the occurrence of rural-urban transfer and the problems associated with it.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the pastoral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are self-employed in agriculture and farming. With changing climatic conditions, agricultural productivity and farmer’s financial security are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. The city life, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with better job opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with superior educational facilities thereby compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate towards conurbation.

Though rural-urban flight can prove to be advantageous from an individual’s perspective, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with. With an increased rate of movement taking place, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the agricultural industry of a country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the rural development does not materialize. Having a large population in the cities leads to pressure on the natural resources and the services (health and education) of urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Most
importantly
, due to the high illiteracy rate in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not suitable for better quality
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up living in slum areas.

To sum up, rural-urban transfer is increasing at an alarming rate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take action like providing better employment and services in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the countrymen do not feel the need to
continuously
drift to urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. why do you think that is? What problem can this cause? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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