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In many countries people are having health problems because they choose to live a unhealthy life. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v.2

In many countries people are having health problems because they choose to live a unhealthy life. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
Education and knowledge have now become a very powerful and a vital tool globally. Some say higher education should be made free of charge while the others believe it should not be. I am in favour of the latter, as I strongly believe that, by charging for higher studies will ensure money spent on a student does not go to waste. To begin with, In my opinion all students should be given the opportunity in education while ensuring the money spent is re-payed back. To put it differently, regardless of the family financial background or the social status all pupils who pass out from high schools should be given an equal opportunity to enter and pursue higher studies. This will ensure that no one is left out and also these students will get a chance of a lifetime. However, the governments should make sure during this period pupils can learn with a free mind and come out as graduate who can enter the local workforce. The money owed to the government could then be re-payed back as an instalment scheme. For example, government of Australia has a similar structure of their education system. This will be a financially viable option for the government to maintain a high education standard and also ensure the tax payers money is well spent. However, others who oppose the above argument say that, young students will already be in debt even before they start their adult life. While I agree with this argument, I also believe that if pupils get full-free education that they will abuse and will not have a value for what has been given to them. With the government repayment structure, students will learn attributes such as, to be focused, taking responsibility and above all they will learn that their actions may have detrimental consequences in the future. For instance, although education is completely free in Sri Lanka a portion of university students have been going on a picketing campaign asking for more free benefits from the government which I think is absurd. In conclusion, I strongly believe that education should not be free and by charging, the governments can ensure quality of education is kept at higher levels as well as ensure that tax payers money is well spent on. The money spent on each individual student, however, should be earned back in latter stage in life, especially when they can stand on their own.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and knowledge have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful and a vital tool globally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of charge while the others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it should not be. I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter, as I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that, by charging for higher studies will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
does not go to waste.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, In my opinion all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
while ensuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
is re-payed back. To put it
differently
, regardless of the family financial background or the social status all pupils who pass out from high schools should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equal opportunity to enter and pursue higher studies. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that no one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out and
also
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance of a lifetime.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure during this period pupils can learn with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out as graduate who can enter the local workforce. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
owed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could then be re-payed back as an
Possible spelling mistake. 'instalment' is British English.
instalment
scheme.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of Australia has a similar structure of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. This will be a
financially
viable option for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to maintain a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
standard and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
the tax payers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is well spent.

However
, others who oppose the above argument say that, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will already be in debt even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their adult life. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument, I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
full-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that they will abuse and will not have a value for what has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
repayment structure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn attributes such as, to
be focused
, taking responsibility and
above all
they will learn that their actions may have detrimental consequences in the future.
For instance
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
in Sri Lanka a portion of university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have been going on a picketing campaign asking for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
benefits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is absurd.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
and by charging, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at higher levels
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that tax payers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on each individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
,
however
, should
be earned
back in latter stage in life,
especially
when they can stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people are having health problems because they choose to live a unhealthy life. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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