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In many countries, people are having health issue. this is due to their unhealthy living. What are the reason of people choosing unhealthy lifestyle? What can be done to solve this problem? v.2

In many countries, people are having health issue. this is due to their unhealthy living. What are the reason of people choosing unhealthy lifestyle? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
In the contemporary epoch, unhealthy living has been a prevailing concern in the significant past of the world. A sea change was witnessed unhealthy leaving in the past. The following paragraph' s would explain possible reasons for the problem and propose a handful of remedial measure. To begin with the reasons, firstly, today, people are like machines running for money and luxurious living. Therefore, they did not have time to care for their health this lead to health diseases. For example, people less care about exercise daily because they don' t have time for that and not keep up diet that leads to heart, cancer etc diseases. As a result, they becomes fat and look more sick and become more older than their age. In addition, eating habit were changed than past. people nowadays, begins to consume junk food then healthy. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key, similarly, some solution should also be implemented. first solution, people have to stop working more hour and take ample breaks during work. hence, they can take good care of their health and have time for exercise regularly. For instance, if anyone work 8 hours and exercise 1 hours regularly that is enough to him to lead a healthy and sound life. Adding further, eating habits also need to change. they should always try to eat foods which is healthy and hygienic for their health and prevent their body from causing health diseases. For conclusion, I would like to state that, we need to step forward more about taking good care of our health for living a healthy life.
In the contemporary epoch, unhealthy living has been a prevailing concern in the significant past of the world. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
was witnessed
unhealthy leaving in the past. The following
Possible spelling mistake found.
paragraph&
#039; s would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
possible reasons for the problem and propose a handful of remedial measure.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the reasons,
firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are like machines running for money and luxurious living.
Therefore
, they did not have time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
this lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about exercise daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have time for that and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up diet that leads to heart, cancer etc diseases.
As a result
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "become"
becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and look more sick and become
Use only "older" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more older
than their age.
In addition
, eating habit were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
than past.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to consume junk food then healthy.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key,
similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution should
also
be implemented
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
solution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working more hour and take ample breaks during work.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hence
, they can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and have time for exercise
regularly
.
For instance
, if anyone work 8 hours and exercise 1 hours
regularly
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to him to lead a healthy and sound life. Adding
further
, eating habits
also
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
should always try to eat foods which is healthy and hygienic for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their body from causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases.

For conclusion, I would like to state that, we need to step forward more about taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
for living a healthy life.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay In many countries, people are having health issue. this is due to their unhealthy living. What are the reason of people choosing unhealthy lifestyle? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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