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Some people agree that teachers should be strict with their students; others believe that teachers with friendly approach will achieve better results. Discuss and give your opinion. v.1

Some people agree that teachers should be strict with their students; others believe that teachers with friendly approach will achieve better results. Discuss and give your opinion. v. 1
Teenagers who are unaccompanied by adults are not permitted to stay outside after a certain time in some places in the US. In my opinion, I believe this law is beneficial to countless young people as well as their parents as it protects them from many dangers. Governments can protect teenagers from dangers by imposing a curfew. Young people tend to be adventurous and energetic and want to stay outside for prolonged periods. For instance, teenagers always like to attend parties after their schools and stay after midnight in their friends’ houses or in clubs enjoying themselves and dancing to loud music. As a consequence, they are exposed to a variety of threats such as kidnapping and even murdering when they are out by themselves late at night. Another point is that a curfew teaches teenagers, discipline and helps them grow into responsible adults. When teenagers grow up without any laws governing their behaviour, they might think that they can do everything they want, which leads them to become irresponsible adults. As a result, they might engage in dangerous activities such as becoming gangsters or drug dealers, which is detrimental to their future and can cause them to go to prison. Finally, imposing a curfew by authorities reduces conflicts between teenagers and their parents as young people tend to be rebellious and do not listen to their parents. Many families try to prohibit their teenagers from staying outside alone after a certain time, yet very few listen to what their parents say. This results in many fights with their parents, which destroys their relationship with their families. In conclusion, if more governments enact laws to prevent teenagers from going outside late at night, many teenagers would be saved from troubles and, consequently, it would benefit their families as well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
who
are unaccompanied
by adults are not permitted to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
after a certain time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places in the US. In my opinion, I believe this law is beneficial to countless young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as it protects them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
by imposing a curfew. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be adventurous and energetic and want to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
for prolonged periods.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
always like to attend parties after their schools and stay after midnight in their friends’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or in clubs enjoying themselves and dancing to loud music. As a consequence, they
are exposed
to a variety of threats such as kidnapping and even murdering when they are out by themselves late at night.

Another point is that a curfew teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, discipline and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them grow into responsible adults. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
grow up without any laws governing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can do everything they want, which leads them to become irresponsible adults.
As a result
, they might engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities such as becoming gangsters or drug dealers, which is detrimental to their future and can cause them to go to prison.

Finally
, imposing a curfew by authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
conflicts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be rebellious and do not listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
families try to prohibit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
alone after a certain time,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible agreement error. The noun listen seems to be countable; consider using: "few listens".
few listen
to what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
say. This results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fights with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
their relationship with their families.

In conclusion
, if more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
enact laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
late at night,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
would
be saved
from troubles and,
consequently
, it would benefit their families
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people agree that teachers should be strict with their students; others believe that teachers with friendly approach will achieve better results. Discuss and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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